Monday, February 19, 2007

All of it is ordinary to everyone but me.


This was a quote sent to my email box and it really reflects how I feel. It IS ordinary to enjoy being with Paul...but not to me. To me it is a miracle that God keeps working on us, keeps bringing Paul to a new level (if he would only STAY there), a miracle that after killing my heart again, I can forgive him...

It's ordinary to smell steaks cooking and baked potatoes baking, but that means another family dinner with maybe even Theresa joining us...which make is special to me.

This morning, a day off school, so Joseph climbs into bed in his smelly sweats and we talk for an hour...and every time he does it (once in a bluuuuuuue moon), I think "this is the last time". Anything but ordinary.

The car is clean again...thank GOD for car washes...ordinary to the 3000 people in line in front of me, but a delight when I got out of the car and remembered it was BLUE!! Not white, not grey. A beautiful, sparkly with glitter in the paint, blue. And I love my car. But to everyone else, it was just a clean car!!

Sunday, just an ordinary small group meeting....but not to me!! I was literally overcome twice, with tears (it's embarrassing, but HEY!! It's me) Once when we were discussing ISA 53, and pondering how much God love ME...ME...Me...me. That he knows the hairs on my head, that he knows the dreams of my hearts, how to fix my heartbreak, what I struggle with. He knows it all, all my ugliness and hateful thoughts, my difficulty in forgiving others, and loves me. Delights in me. Itches to spend time with me (or really, for me to show up at his heavenly throne). He wants to spend every spare moment I have with HIM like I do with the girlies and Joseph. He considers me a friend...waits for me to talk to him like I talk to my closest friend. He paints sunsets for ME to see...no other reason. He sent his son to die for me...so I'd know the freedom of forgiveness...yeah. Pretty overwhelming. Anything but ordinary to me.

And then...we did this cold water baptism thing with our hands and speaking a blessing to our spouses. And I was able to remind Paul of his value in God's eyes...regardless of what anyone tells him (me included.) He is adored by God...forgiven and precious. He is delighted in. Tears running down my cheeks...that I would have the honor of what was a sacred moment...to share that with Paul, the person who hurt me the most deeply in life...and mean it...that God sees him that way and allowed me to. Yeah. Nothing ordinary there. Profound. Amazing. Just some ordinary water and whispered words.

And God knitting this friendship in the after moments of small group. Not ordinary to me. A desire of my heart...for sure...and I'm thankful to be along for the journey...

Finally...an ordinary Saturday for EVERYONE BUT ME!! I had my first paying client for my organizing business. I loved it...had so much fun. Came home so energized. I LOVE LIVE LOVE it!! Thanks to my first, nameless client. I got a router and a toaster oven that works!! And still had money left over!!

2 comments:

Melissa said...

....um...she's not that nameless...her name is on the check..LOL!!!

Ger said...

Psssshhhhh...it's gone now.. TMI. I didn't realize you could read it!!