Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Last day of April

I have one page left to scrap to meet my scrapping goal (168 pages for the year)

I've met my exercise goal (as in, make it a habit again)

Got pictures of my tulips before bunnicula got them

Made tentative plans for summer travel

Finished school year plan with Joseph (9 days!!)

Finally got together with Theresa last night

Hung out with Cassie alot

Lots of good late night conversations with Joseph (the plus of us both being nocturnal!!)

Kept current with my Bible study

Had way too many conflicts with Paul

On the other hand, handled them better than in March

Got my charging dock for my camera

Went to a card swap and met some fun people

Got Joseph's contacts and dental appointments done

Read 3 more books

All in all, a good month

Monday, April 28, 2008

April is winding down

and it would be rumored that spring is here...except we're wearing wool coats and the furnace is running. But the tulips are up and beautiful and that alone makes me happy. These are not the full bloom ones. I need to upload them and post another day.

Went to "The Bucket List" last weekend. The idea is make a list of what you want to do before you die. Other than see Europe, I couldn't think of a thing. Now if the list were who would you want to see before you die, well that would be a different story. But I have no grand dreams that I feel unfulfilled when I think of, so I'll say I'm living my bucket list.

The other thing I'm thinking about...someone asked me a question today: Who would wail at your funeral. Not just say "oh that's sad", but really feel a profound loss regarding your passing. Kevin Leman asked that question at a workshop. Don't know that I know the answer to that. But sure would like to live in a way that left a profound loss in people's life.

Finally...heard about this group, WOW!! I think I found the thing I want to do for my birthday this year. Last year, I wanted to have a party and have donations for charity, like a back to school thing or whatever. That was the whole problem. Lots of needs out there, but none that really made me well up inside. Till this one.

So mark the date...6/21. I'm having a HUGE party for my 45th. I want to have a big family party that people don't want to leave from. Water balloon fights and a bouncy thing, and hot dogs, hamburgers, chicken. Pictures galore and horseshoes and volleyball. The whole thing. And the only requirement is to donate whatever you feel is a good amount to sponsor a vet. I want to go to the local VFW and see if we can something together and literally SPONSOR a vet, knowing the name and face and story of that man or woman.

What do you think????

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Thank God for spring!!

Ronnie found his fist this week. It was so funny watching him go from wacking himself randomly, to wacking himself in his eye, ear, then finding his mouth, then finally hitting it the first time.

Finally, the winter coats are gone...and we can actually go out without layers...or even a jacket some days!! WOOHOO!!
I finally scrapped again this weekend...first time in 2 weeks.

Working on an ABC album for the baby...from baby shower till now.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Tax day...

come and gone. And so has the money!! LOL Long, long gone in my case!
So it's been a year since Va Tech; 2 since Cassie took off/moved out. (Depending on who is speaking about it, LOL)
I don't know that I put those two dates together last year.
Looking back, I'm in awe of how God has healed our relationship and knit our hearts together even more than before. She is one of my favorite people, one I laugh with and chat with and do nothing with. And we solve world problems.
If she weren't my daughter, I'd want to be her friend. But I get the best of both worlds...lucky me!!
Today I wke up to the sound of the shower running about 4 hours earlier than usual and suspected that Joseph was called into work. He was. Which would be NO PROBLEM except we were all up until after 2. So He's tired and bored and I'm just tired! LOL
Great day today outside. Sun, warm, wind. Spring is here...the sun is out and so are the swimsuits!! Ugh.
I don't have much on my to-do list except I really need to dust one table and want to wash a couple of windows...the rest of it is the usual stuff.
Seemed like a good day to catch up on my blog again.
My little Mr has not been co-operative of late. So no new pix from his sweet face, but I do have a good one of Cassie and him on my phone...but have to wait till I pay the ransom for the USB cord from Joseph to upload it!! LOL
This weekend, and next, both the guys will be gone for one reason or another (work, retreat, prom, formal) so I'm doing "Ronnie Bear's" newborn album. Which reminds me...I need to get a 5x7 of his bassinette print for the cover page. It's going to be an ABC album..and the cover is "A for adorable"...nice how I don't have to come up with a starting point!! I'll post pix once I get rolling, and also get the camera out of the car.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

New pix

and the same old same old. Paul has some big breakthrough at counseling today, calls to leave a message that he's got alot to think and talk about. Then comes home and says I'll talk to you after men's group. No how are you. No "wow this big thing happened and I want to talk to you about it". Nope...a glorified booty call. "when I'm ready to talk, after hanging with these guys I barely know, will you be here?" Not that he actually asked me if I'd be here. Just assumed that I would be. I'm sick of being hurt by the utter unimportance I hold in his life. So I'll say it here instead of to him. Because saying it to him will result in the shut down,deer in the headlights look that I am far too familiar with. Will result in me getting frustrated. Will result in me crying. So I might as well shortcut to the crying and expedite things.

So here's pix of Ronnie...such a funny little guy!!

How precious is this??

It's exhausting being a newborn...

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

A week of loss...

such a sad week, not only for me (although it is), but for my dear friends. Women who I have been blessed to walk along side for a bit of my life have had to say good-bye to people they love fiercely.
To sit with Judy, oddly juxtaposed with the joy of catching up with a newly red-headed friend, and waiting for her clearly weakened and ill mom's test to be finished. What an unexpected chance to see her...but under such tenuous circumstances...bringing a tea for us to share and laughs and tears...while waiting. Judy's mom, the woman who I asked to be adopted by. A funny, sassy, irreverent truly GOOD woman, is the kind of woman I want to be in my 70's. When Judy asked if she was hungry, Joan answers un unh. Judy decides that yes she is hungry and Joan, sassy and shaking from exhaustion (and probably pain she barely admitted to), looks at me with THAT look and says "didn't I say no?"...smirking. And I agree that I heard a negative response too. To which she says "I thought so!" The world was better for her passing through, better for the strong women she raised and the strong women THEY are raising. For her kindness and undeniable, fierce love of her children, grandchildren, life.
She left life on her terms Sunday, off to see her beloved husband. She will not have another anniversary of his passing, to sit alone and listen to music and have a cry. She is now with him, at rest, leaving us behind to honor her legacy. By loving and laughing and sassing our way through life.
I, for one, want to live up to that challenge. To love fiercely, live fully, to laugh and have a drink to celebrate and remember (I'll skip the cigarettes though). I want to walk in the shadows of a woman like Joan and leave footsteps in her wake; and then when it is my time to pass, I want to have my daughter linger over memories of me and how we talked so often and loved so much.

Evelyn buried her beloved son today. She drove him to work; talked to him of faith and family and his health. And now he's gone, 50 days after his fall. She says we shouldn't bury our children; that it's just wrong. They are all so broken, staring vacantly off and through us at the wake. The evidence of Evelyn and Dale's love for their children is palpable, as is the loss. What to say? I'm so sorry for your loss just seems pale. But in the end, it is true. David was 6 days younger than me; went to bed one night and never woke up. Left a wife who is shell shocked and children who don't seem to get what happened.

Sitting here tonight, in a quiet house, it's dark. I've cried myself out for my friends' loss, co-mingling this week. I don't have words to say that will bring comfort. But tonight, sitting here, I know that I want to live a life with as few regrets as possible. To live a life where those who I love KNOW I love them, admire them, enjoy their company.

I won't have an opportunity to give a last lecture like that guy from Carnegie Mellon (check it out on youtube.) But I have the opportunity to tell the truth, to encourage, to love, to laugh...and to be me. Not an imitation of what people think I should be or what I think they want. Just be me. Loving and laughing and sassing a little along the way.