3 days and counting....

to the 4th BIGGEST DAY OF MY LIFE!!! (after my wedding, and of course the kids' birth). ..I seriously cannot remember when I've been this excited...I get absolutely giddy every time I think of it...the SUPERBOWL!! Now, if they were just playing here so the Colts could get a taste of some REAL cold weather...but alas. Miami is so much more appealing in February!! I've got my Brian jersey (too bad Tank's wasn't around...he is MY GUY!!!) and the my grey and blue shirt that I wore home from NC...and the orange shirt that has a glittery "BEARS". Tomorrow is my last non-bears clothing day...and if they kick me out of the church (not likely!!) for wearing a football jersey, oh well...guess I"ll have to find a church that can take Bear fanatics...COZ I've waiting 21 LOOONNG, many DRYYYYYYYY years for this weekend...And Rex got his haircut for the occasion, but he still can't grow facial hair. Still, it was great to see him interviewed with his dad an dhow much they love and respect each other...now if he can just throw the darn ball on Sunday he may get off my hit list for a while... :)

Now, on to my actual life....

Let's see...went to see Cassie's new place on Sunday. I never actually got warm enough to take off my coat, but I really liked how open it was and it's clean and painted white and she doesn't have to lock up her food. Nice guy is there, roomie JP, who cooks and helps clean...and is funny and personable. Seriously like him!! Two cats, one of which is white and kinda freaky in my humble opinion, so I'm glad for her with that. We all pine away for a cat, but given Paul's almost deadly allergy to it, most days we opt for him over the purring!! Now I can go visit her and get my fill of kitty...till someone smokes..then it's "thanks for having me, gotta go!! Poor JP was making tacos for us for dinner on Sunday and we bolted when Chris and his friend lit up. I just canNOT do cold and smoke, and since I can avoid smoke, that's the one I control.

Heard there was a great sale at Old Navy, not that any of my peeps told me WHEN it was going on...just bragged about their great deals, like $1.97 long sleeve Ts...oh the pain!! THE PAIN!!! I did, however, score some yoga pants that Paul actually THOUGHT I WORE OUTSIDE!! PULEEZE...how long have we been married??? On the other hand, I was pretty freakin' sick this week and perhaps was indicating that I may have considered that...but NOT! I know I"m a freak, but seriously, the last time I wore sweats outside was to Hearts at Home about 4 years ago...light blue cutie ones. Anyway, I love them because they are heavy and long in the legs and tight in the butt (I hate droopers), so it's all good. And I"m no longer strangling my entire abdomen area trying to do pilates in jeans. I'm sure my tummy thanks me and will soon show its gratitude by shrinking ever so much!!

Cropped over at Sherrie's house on Monday night...I saved my entire conversation for that evening. But mostly I laughed at everyone else's insanity...oh my gosh. It takes about 2.5 seconds for us to all start laughing about nothing at all, and then another 2.5 for it to end up being about some body function (usually sex!!) I got 9 cards made and was only a little MORE sick on Tuesday for my efforts...or maybe it was the 4 brownies I ate (DARN YOU KIMBERLEE PATTON AND YOUR PEPPERMINT BROWNiES!!) Sherrie is seriously one of the nicest, most encouraging, real women I know and I"m so glad we did that bible study together so I could get to know her.

MOPS today...it was on what a woman/mom needs...and two of the ladies talked about perspective and one talked about hope. IT was a great reminder, to me, to do a mental check for myself...it's so hard sometimes to keep an accurate perspective on things as they are unfolding. Especially if it involves Paul telling me how hard he's working and how he doesn't want to work anymore, just BE. Sheesh. I wonder what he would have done if we were in each other's shoes these past two years...He'd never make it as a mom...which, of course, is why God, in HIS infinite wisdom, didn't make him one!! I'm seriously so thankful for these last two years...even if the source of growing so much was so painful. I've learned so much about me and relating to others, about not assuming that we know the whole story, about supporting and not fixing. And I think one of the top 10 things I have learned is that my friendships are treasures...not to be taken for granted!! I am blessed...

Sheryl, from my scrapping loop...is taking flat GA on a trip to a crop for this weekend. The best of both worlds...me (well, flat me, which is a picture of my head on a giant paper clip!!) scrapping in one place and watching the superbowl in another!! WOOHOO!

Speaking of which: I think I should make a sign for my viewing standards for Sunday:

(1) speak only during commercials... or time outs

(2) do not criticize, EVER, the D line of the Bears. I am the only one who can do that!!

(3) Do not eat food loudly enough to interfere with the play by play

(4) Discussions of plays during game time are limited to time outs and replays.

(5) Pregame is treated as if it was the game...

(6) Don't EVEN think about answering the phone (or calling me!!)

Do you think that's too harsh? No really, do you???

Parting thought...I"m trying to hook up with my niece for spring break..we're thinking Washington DC...I love that place!! I'll bet by now everything that was "closed for renovations" (which, btw, was half the stinking town) is done. That was 4 years ago...even US government doesn't work THAT slow!!

feeling better...

but it still hurts to talk!! I'm scrappin today. Paul's working all day, it's freakin' cold outside and even colder with the wind chill, and I'm drinking my teavana tea...yummmy.
Kimberlee tells me there is some home party lady who does tea. I'm trying to check it out but the link beyond the home page doesn't work. She's got rooibos or however you spell it tea, which is just a fancy way to say red tea, so that indicated to me she might replace Teavana. Esp. if she comes to my HOUSE!! Helllooooo!!
We watched what could be the worse movie ever (at least the top 10) last night: 1114. They compared it to Crash and Momento, both of which we LOOOOVEEDDDDDDD, but it stunk. It was seriously awful. Joseph and I decided that Paul can't go to the movie store unescorted any more!! LOL
Went to Cassie's myspace today,where she's throwing around the F-bomb like it's candy, sent out a bulletin with it being the main vocab word. And then says that she smokes (tells me all the time that she doesn't) and drinks, and "swears like a sailor". I don't even know what to take as truth any more. So disappointed...who is the real Cassie? And how do I know what is real and what is facade? Still, I just love her to pieces...I just never thought our relationship would be like this... She says that she know that I've always been honest with her, but she can't be real with me. **sniff**sniff**
Joseph took his driving test and failed it. He was so angry!! Slammed the front door, and personally, I think his teacher's a butt munch. Last week, Paul (the teacher) says Joseph is a good driver, and then plays coy when I ask what he needs to work on for the test. Then is smug (according to Joseph) when he fails him and basically tells him to work on EVERYTHING. I told Paul (MY Paul) to call THAT Paul and get the 411 on what he really needs to work on...
And...exercised all week and still,not a freakin' lb. off the scale. I just need to keep this up. But I'm super discouraged...super....
On the other hand, it's Teavana tomorrow, card making at Sherrie's Monday...yep yep!! Things will be looking up!!

feel like poopy

This virus is kickin my butt....my throat is sore (Melissa C got my one conversatin today) and I"m super tired...and runny nose and other ugly cold symptoms that do not need description.
And it's cold...19 with a windchill of colder. Really, is this necessary????
And Grey's made me cry AGAIN>>>this whole George's dad dying thing isn't working for me. But...oh the potential romances!! WOOHOO!!
Cassie finally got Internet again...yeah!! We are almost caught up on the last week... and there seems to be so much less drama in her life. Note that it's not that there is none. Just less. And she doesn't sound so burdened by life. I miss her sometimes so much it's physical...but she's got to go her own way, and I do understand that,but I never thought I'd be seeing her just once a month. It is heartbreaking to me...but that is how she wants it...everything and everyone is higher on the list than seeing us/me. Wahh.
So there was a tea lady at girlfriend night last night...I wish I would have been there. Sadly, I was home nursing myself all alone...sad, sad, sad.
Ok, this is a pathetic post. I"m gonna stop whining now.
Well, maybe one more whine. I tried to do the gmail chat thing. I CANNOT MAKE IT WORK AND IT'S TICKING ME OFF!! Now I'm done.

YOU CANNOT HAVE HIM

You know, this is really cramping my style that I can't use exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!! so there's a few just to fix me...

Back home, mental health day...unpacking, sorting and avoiding laundry, not answering the phone because my throat is sore...thanks NC virus!!

I spent most of the day planning Joseph's last semester this year...kicking butt on the homeschool front. He flunked another math test...and then tells me it doesn't mean anything that he KNOWS the stuff and gets it right on his assignments. But he does this weird inversion thing so that he's CLOSE to right,and all the components are there, but he's wrong. He is not a very humble take correction guy...i hope the eyeroll comes through the monitor!! And he hates writing, which I totally ramped up this semester. Crabola. Oh well. It's planned and we'll be done right before Meesh's graduation...hallelujah!! Then the summer ofoffffffff....and we may take an extended trip to NC,SC,VA, FL. Where all my peeps are...can't wait to see them!! Sadly, Meliss will be taking summer school and can't play all day but I"m sure we'll find some time to do the Pablo and other things. A little shout out to my part time Bear fan in training...once Brett leaves the pack (a moment of silence), I know she'll come over from the dark side.

Speaking of which...............here we are IN THE FREAKIN SUPERBOWL and the headline in my local (that would be IL, close enough to SMELL CHicago) paper is about the darn packer fans in Joliet. Really...sheesh...snort...eye roll. What does it TAKE to keep us focused on the kick butt BEARS??? OUR team, our guys, our crew???What? What does it take? I'm asking you!!!!

Ok, and now there's rumors of Lovie being recruited by the Cowboys??? Puleeze...he's a man of honor and dignity and blue and orange. Do you see silver on him? N-O!! He's my guy....fave coach ever...and I found a shirt that says "I love lovey" I really want that shirt...but the old budget thing isn't allowing it.

So here I am in wind chill zero, wearing a turtle neck for only the second time this winter, C_O_L_D. But at least it's sunny and the sky is blue.

On a more serious note, tried to have a real conversation with Paul last night, follow up to the one we didn't finish before I left...just isn't happening. He's forgetting conversations we have had, shuts down, takes 3-5 minutes to respond. So I'm just checking out for now...he's obviously working through something and can't be plugged in. Thank God for girlfriends and blogs. I suppose some day, he'll step up again...but in the meantime, it's discouraging and sad and I'm tired of this. It's been going on since Thanksgiving.

HELLO SUPERBOWL (IMAGINE 1000 excl. points)

Well it's been a crazy almost week...

Watched Grey's and about lost it...so much like when my dad died and just a few days before the anniversary of his death. I hate when art imitates my life!!

Then...off to NC for a weekend of sun and warmth **NOT***. It was cold and gray most of the time I was there... But there's something great about walking down the concourse and seeing a soul sister texting you to see where you are!! Off to Wa-Ho, where I ate the world's best breakfast and there is nothing in IL that compares...really, truly, grandma's breakfast right there in front of me!! Non stop talking on the details of life, heart to hearts on the inner workings of our minds and hearts and downright challenges of being Christian women...laughing and crying and eating and shopping, and just being still with each other...for the 2.5 seconds that we were. It was like a weekend slumber party...talking till late and then falling asleep in that cat bed...man those felines were territorial!!

Great church service, super pastor...man he just begs for souls, with tears in his voice. And then that song played...I'm giving You my heart and all that is within I lay it all down for the sake of You my King I'm giving you my dreams, I'm laying down my rights I'm giving up my pride for the promise of new life
And I surrenderAll to You, all to You
Im singing You this song, Im waiting at the cross And all the world holds dear, I count it all as loss For the sake of knowing Your for the glory of Your nameTo know the lastin joy, even sharing in Your pain

It reminds me of how far God has brought me in the last year. And now, on to my entitlement which I am darn sure is not helping my Christian walk....it's ugly on other people and must be just as ugly on me. So, I'm giving Him my entitled heart, and all that is within...

And then the Bears!! The tragedy of NC is that most of NC is made up of Saints and Steeler's fans... We went to the most civilized sports on EARTH, drinking chocolate martini's and eating nachos and being the only two loud bears fans in the joint. We got louder with each subsequent play. And then some Saints guys starts buying me beers, as if to drown my sorrows, but he snuck out the 3rd quarter because he couldn't face me!! And when I told him I don't drink beer, do you think that cheap Saints guy (boy was he drunk!!) offered to buy me what i WAS drinking??? OH no...... Seriously, Dor and I got louder with each passing quarter, and must to my niece's surprise, NO I WAS NOT DRUNK, but I sure was HAPPYYYYYYYYY!!! WOOHOOOO!!!!! There's nothing like it...and I just LOOOOOVE LOVEY!!! I think it's referred to as playoff fever or football inibriation....

And starting the 3rd quarter, my phone never quit ringing/texting/ringing...and little miss Meliss was my biggest contributor!! that girl needs to come hang with some serious bears fans...we were both fish out of water with being surrounded by other fans...so sad that people can't see the FABULOSO-ness of my bears!! Even Rex sorta stepped up...which for him is seriously stepping up!! LOL Just one more game...and then I have to wait for next year.

On to Concord Mills and my Carvel fix...sadly, no chocolate covered waffle cone, but it sure was fabulous...and Joseph's jeans were a major coup!! The only place that carries his size is Dillard's, and they don't' even KNOW that they do...but I knew where to look, so SUCCESS!! Now if I could just get them online, but then I wouldn't have the thrill of finding them!!

Poor Dori couldn't keep up with my pace at the mills...amateur!! I guess she'll have to start training now for the next time...

As usual, the trip was too short, but I'm glad I went...and Katie and I had some great talks. That girl is seriously talented with creative writing and I hope she sticks to it. Every time I go, I leave a book for her to read, but I think next time the book I read will be hers!!

And note to Mellie...I finished the puzzle we were working on...thanks for the help!!

Back home to seeing my breath and Paul's dinner was great...my bathroom ceiling is white once again and sleeping in my own bed was fabulous...

I am blessed to have so many people who love me...and a great football team!! TWENTY ONE YEARS...the last time they were in the Superbowl was the year Paul and I got married. It is only right that THIS year they play again....and the superbowl shuffle is all over the internet again...i think these guys need to make one...Shuffle part deux!!

Happy birthday to JOyyyyyyy

So today my much younger friend Joy turns 40. I gotta say she doesn't look one day over 39!! LOL Seriously, she looks just like when I met her almost 10 years ago...with us being our pathetic selves at church and not knowing anyone and her mother in law Jan setting us up like an old matchmaker. Little did she know that the match she made was the first Christian girlfriend either of us had, sisters of our souls. And what an impact Joy has had on the world around her and on me. She will never know this side of heaven, because she's too busy just keeping up, how dear she is to me...and everyone else. She doesn't think she offers much to the world, most days, but she's a great mom and supportive wife and friend . And she's a blast to be around...just laughing about life and teens and men. Maybe someday she'll even be able to scrap again!!

What a crazy day...having phone issues...can't call out and can't pick up the calls that come in (half of the time) And my cell phone is melting down from talking to my niece and trying to figure out when we can squeeze each other in our lives...too bad for her I actually got a life while she wasn't looking. I don't think she appreciates it at all!! Oh well, we are both such amazing people it's no surprise that the world is our oyster and wants to be our BFF. And we are both so humble, very humble.

And my other niece is graduating on May 22...a FREAKIN Tuesday!! Who has graduations on Tuesday???? And I've got the best present for her...a ticket to see meeeeeeee (well and the rest of the family, but really...) Do a little college shopping, do a little dorm sheet shopping as is our tradition (hopefully she'll be less picky than some other shoppees)!! But I do have a great gift for her 18th...which I would say her but she may actually read this...

Chatted with my sister Alicia today on Yahoo. I wonder where this will all end up...been burned a few too many times to be la-di-da, but hope does spring eternal. Anyway, it seemed like an honest conversation and maybe a turn toward a healthier version of what we've had for the last lotta years. Here's hoping...

And...now it's going to be 50 in Charlotte and it's not that much warmer than here darn it!! On the other hand...the sun shines on the east coast...an improvement over Chicago!!

WOWSA (again with the no exclamation points)

I had 18 women at my house last night...all the local people that I love, minus 1 who didn't make it after all...well, and a few who "just don't do stamps". We made some great cards...and I was able to give Sherrie the soup cookbook I made for her. I hope that it blesses her not only with recipes, but also with the reminder that her Sista loves and prays for her often...even if I don't stalk her...which I do't have to do because she's ALREADY a regular in my life!! WOOHOO!!

I can't belive how much laughter was echoing on the walls...I"m reminded and humbled once again of the great group of women I have been honored to know and become friends with over the years...and they all blended so well!! And, for the record, Dana Turner is doggone funny!! She's (1)got great funny stories that actually happen and (2) tells them like a pro!!

I'm leaving for NC on Saturday, just in time to escape the bitter cold that seems to have hit IL. I hate flying. really really really hate it. Hate everything about it. It's almost enough to make me cancel my trip, but I know that Dor and I need to have some heart to heart time...and I hope her heart is soft enough to hear what I have to say. I love her to death and so feel for her struggles and challenges in this season of her life...hope I can help!!

It's snowing big fluffy snowflakes here...and it starting to look like it may actually cover things. ANd I'm drinking my tea with a chocolate spoon my sweeties gave me for Chfrsitmas. Yummy!! Of course the edge is taken off this lovely picture by the "kill your mother music" I am listening to in the background...gotta love 15 year olds!! Trying to tell if it's a christian band or not...no clue since I can't recognize any words!! LOL (if there are actually discernible words in the song!!)

So we've gotten half way through January and I'm pretty good with my new years resolutions and I only have one little retun left to have Christmas behind me!! woohooo!!! I found a book that's specifically set upfor 15 minute devo's. I'm going to try it and if it works, out to ebay go the others!!

I took the REALAGE test and I"m 37 years old REALLY but 43 (YIKES>>>almost 44) in chronological years. WOOHOO!! I wonder what it would have been if I didn't have asthma and cancer. The test seemed to frown upon that!!

Hooked up with some MOPS moms this morning...I sure love those guys. There just aren't' that many places we are invited to be real...and these guys are the ONES!! Actually, I crashed one of their meetings, but they didn't care and neither do I. Not sure what the topic of the meeting was, but we ended up planning a scrapbook gathering and I"m really excited about THAT!!

Muffie's still in tact...off to exercise!

do you ever just get sick of your muffies???

So I've been working out through the holidays, and totally behaved myself in the cookie world (well, except for that one unfortunate incident last Thursday). Been drinking water...been biking every single day...been going to bed pretty on time...and still...the muffies don't budge. I'm so discouraged. Really, what DOES it take???? I'll just keep on keeping on...eventually I'll melt away to my formerly fit self. Note to formerly fit, currently flabby self: STICK WITH IT WHEN YOU HIT YOUR GOAL YOU DOPE!!!!

Ok, so being a complete 24 JUNKIE...no really, my sissy LEFT at 659 (I didn't tell her to...she just did) and the three of us are all watching it. Paul told me that ABC news says there wold be water cooler talk with the big finish. So everyone thought it was Curtis (everyone being Paul and Joseph) being killed. Not me...there's a big dude killed every season...often at the beginning, just to keep us hanging....and THEN Mushroom cloud. Ok,that's a tune in next week thing. Can't imagine how they are going to work this season.

Ok, enough about that...I took a CKU-home class yesterday. It was good, and I like the finished project, but it wasn't like I learned anything new. Just focused me to do something besides chat in the SFYSroom. Still, I did 11 pages and one project toward my goal for the year...and finished another book...and did sudoku. All in all, a pretty good day.

And I am still chipping away at all those Christmas returns, much to Kimberlee's amazement. I hate doing returns. I only do it one hour an outing. All I have left is Joann's and Family Christian. I'm going to do them tomorrow with any luck...or really with any self discipline...which we all know i"m lacking sometimes.

And why are returns people so schizo??? The big returns...people were really nice. The little returns, you'd think I asked for THEIR charge cards. For Pete's sake!!

Finally caught up with Dori yesterday...and she PROMISED to watch the Bears with martini in hand (I hope that's a GOOD martini, not that nasty stuff she tried to force on me last Christmas)...and to go to ScrapShack...the joys of chatting and shopping and watching a game with a fan. Just doesn't get any better than that!! And it's 70 degrees there...I told Paul I was leaving my coat in the car and just wearing leather...oh MAN that is exciting in and of itself. I just hate flying and am already having those anxiety attacks I have to talk myself out of. Im sure it will be fine.

Have 18 people coming to my stampin up party...it's going to be FUN!! I already have my wish list...

GO BEARS (no exclamation points allowed)

Can you believe my BEARS??? WOOHOOO!!! They rock!
well, that just about gave me a headache with the last minute win...oh man!! I just couldn't even answer the PHONE after awhile!! WOW!!
And then Paul and I have yet another conversation about the fall out from his addiction. He just has this mindset that his addiction is in the past (even though some of the behaviors remain), so all the broken pieces he left behind should be. Sheesh!! I finally told him, "imagine that you are looking at this area of my heart: it's like a forest fire the day after, scorched, black, bare. And even though there's little green sprouts showing from time to time, that scorched area can't be ignored for the few sprouts" He says he gets it...but then forgets. Like how can he FORGET??? Not that I want him to live in shame and guilt, but GET it!! It's not an instant fix... And at the same time, I"m so thankful for the work God has done in my life and in his and in our marriage!!
I just know that this journey will keep moving forward...and that some day we'll be healed completely...RIGHT????
OH MY GOSH!!!!
24 was so fabulous I could hardly handle it. I had to rewind it a couple of times to get the finer points!! WOW!!

We went to a surprise party Saturday...and I was reminded again how freakin' shy I am with people I don't know. Sheesh. I sat there watching everyone else, not able to start small talk, wondering why I do this to myself...and then two old friends walked in like 3 hours into the party. It was nice catching up with them....and celebrating the BIRTHDAY GIRL!!!

LATE BREAKING NEWS!!!

Miss Meliss sent in her grad school application...it's official!! I'm so glad for her (1) to have a direction to head in, after all the decisions she had to make and (2) to have the stress of the application behind her. And now on to the GMAT...I"m sure she'll be fine!!

Chinese take out night...

our sister tables at MOPS had a Chinese take out night here...it was so much fun!! Super low key prep...everyone brings there fave Chinese dish and we all share. Table leaders and mentor moms bring drinks. We had a mountain of food...and talked and laughed ourselves silly. It was so much fun we decided to make it MOPS wide (don't want to limit the fun, ya know!!) and next month it's Italian food...Now I'll have to find an Italian place that I love enough to share...
Anyway, we sat around and answered questions from this card deck (go ask your girlfriends) and got to know each other way more!! Or show off how well we already know each other (ie, what three people would you combine for your ideal mate was my question. And Kimberlee laughs and says, well, two out of three of them wouldn't be white....maybe three out of three) Which, seriously, was the truth!! Oh, Denzel, Isaiah and Patrick Dempsey. WOOHOO! Anyway...it was fun.
My scrapbook room is clean...and now I don't want to mess up my desk by working on it but I have a project I"m working on for a friend, so I guess I"ll jump in!! I even vacuumed it after I cropped so my friends wouldn't know what a scrapping pig I am (but Judy knows...she's scrapped with me!! LOL) I miss scrapping with her. I miss her.
Paul had this big realization about amends and how they apply to life and how it's not a one time thing...I hope so. It is painful for me when he just forgets how much he has hurt me and in how many different areas...and does his version of "get over it". Still, I don't trust that this will stick. He's gone down this road before, where God totally convicts him, he gets it and then quits. I do hope it sticks this time...
I"m tired...didn't sleep last night very well. Got things on my mind I wish weren't there. Got earplugs that fall out and I wish would stay in. Got a husband that does his darth vader breathing in my ear...well, I wish he would STOP. Not breathing...just on me!! Now I know why kids say "he's touching me...he's breathing on me." Sheesh.

what if my life were a sitcom?

or would it be a dramedy???? Well, last night GREY"S IS BACK!! WOOHOOOOO!!! Of course, I taped it and haven't watched it yet, but don't know if I can hold out for Paul till Saturday afternoon so I might just have to watch it alone....so DO NOT tell me what happened!! My little TV life viewing is ramping up to oh-so-happy!! Grey's last night, 24 on Sunday AND Monday, and then Heroes in a week or 2. Other than that, I just don't care. And, in case it skipped your notice, My beloved 24 starts on the day the Bears play the Seahawks...which historically is a good game (ie, we WIN!!!) and will give me braggin rights once again. Although to quote Brian Urlacher (google him if you don't know who he is!! DO NOT EVEN tell me you don't know) "we are the worse 13-3 team out there" LOL!! I just love him...on the field...not so much in real life, where we are STILL getting a blow by blow of his ugly paternity battle. Blech. Just keep it in your pants till your married and solve all our problems. Ok, 'nuff sounding like my mom!!
Chatted with Cassie yesterday...it was a pretty normal conversation. Sheesh,though, she is full of bluster and naivete. Still, I am grateful for a non-confrontational conversation...and she says Chris is treating her better...and then says "he doesn't even lick my whole face anymore"...like he ever should have. YUK!!!
Downer of the day: Didn't talk to Dori, after we set up an appointment. Don't'know if we'll ever connect!! Didn't talk to Judy *sniff*sniff*. Didn't talk to Melissa *waaah* She's probably all miss big pants getting ready to take on another major governmental organization. Well,more power to her. I can't even get Purple Heart Veterans to pick up my stuff...just watched them come down my DEAD END STREET, stop and turn around and not come to my house, which is the LAST on the RIGHT...is this advanced geography???? And the poor woman wrote a LONG detailed note about how to get to the last house on the right of a dead end street and go to the back porch. And still...they couldn't quite make it work. SERIOUSLY!!!!
Dawn came over f0r a little tea yesterday...and her cutie patootie Gracie entertained me to death!! What a sweetie...I hope we can do it again...seemed so short!!
And...the end of my day, as it should always end. Kimberlee came over just to give me a present!! That was a super testimonial to LOOOOOOVE since it was a competing company's product. But I do LOOOOOOOVE it...and her!! LOL
And kicking butt on sudoku...again.
Mental note: do not eat puppy chow you dope!! You have low blood sugar. It will make you sick each and ever time. It will taste good going down and ruin your evening. It is not good...not good...not good!!
Good news...make up went on as intended today. No additional decor on my cheeks!!

the day of domestic Goddess

I don't really care if that's a word...that's what it was all about!! After not sleeping well at all, I just figured I"d get myself presentable for the day using the new powder make up Meliss hooked me up with...way easier, coverage is fabulous and it doesn't fade over the day. Of course, no one has bowed at my feet with admiration for my great look, but such is life. Not sure it's noticeable to others, but I like it alot more!!
Step one, fall out of bed...don't ask how. Not sure I could even explain. But I ended up almost face down in the (thanks God!!) privacy of an empty bedroom. Having a fat day, nothing looks good and I feel like a sausage in a too small stuffing case, no matter what I put on. Figuring if I just do my makeup, I won't have to look at myself any more today, I go about doing it. #1)moisturizer...splat all over the counter. Great (#2) powder...dump it on my hands when putting it in cap...this is not my first day with my hands, so I think it will get better. (#3) eyeshadow and liner. Ok. that went fine (#4) mascara...did you KNOW that you can perfectly recreate the mascara brush on your cheek by dropping it just right so it slides down your cheek??? Oh yes you can!! Back to step #2 to fix said mess after washing off the stripes (I was tempted to leave it on)
Moving on to bathroom toilets, one of my faves; then ironing till my shoulder gave out. Jacking around with yahoo to make it work...finally just gave up and went to make dinner...which was actually pretty good. More ironing. Found out Bush is talking tonight. Sheesh. Is it Monday and I just don't know it???? Cancel my plans for the night because I DO NOT want to be like this to my beloved stalkee Dana, and I have got to get this crap taken care of!!
Make return phone calls...thanks Birgit for making me laugh and totally changing my mood. But then Paul came home, we fuss at each other some more (why can't men just listen and respond instead of either shutting down or fixing it????) and off to choir he goes.
Edited my niece's masters program essay...still waiting to hear back. Scrapbook ZERO pages!!
Reading a book on Girls Nights Out...make me want to start one. Some of those groups have been going for 20 years!! What a great thing!!
Ok, the good thing...Theresa came over and we got to chat a bit. I exercised again. And I woke up 1.5 lbs lighter...not quite fitting in that sausage casing, but better I guess!! And I found what I think I can use for the shoebox swap I'm in...and Birgit and I are going to work on it together.
Found out I won a BIGSHOT on ebay...$50 cheaper, with shipping than anywhere else I can find it. Now to sell my sizzix machine.

ramblings!!

Long night....that started with Theresa calling to let me know that Lindsay was following in Cassie's footsteps, moving out with no plan, no job, no place to go so that she can be with a guy who can't even bother to plug into the family, who has cheated on her with her best friend, stole from her, used her nonstop since they met. All because he called CRYING on Christmas and she can't LIVE without him. Wonder how she's going to feel down the road. I can't imagine this ending well for her, and I hope that she KNOWS to the core of her being that home is always an option. After she spent all that time and energy judging Cassie and condemning her and telling us all what an idiot cassie was for doing it, she follows in her footsteps. Sheesh. Really disappointed...not surprised, just disappointed. And concerned for how Theresa is going handle it. I hope that she was taking notes after Cassie killed me moving out...and gets to church weekly, makes healthy friends, gets involved with groups to MAKE friends, finds ways to make those tough days great anyway (like Christmas here could have been a disaster, but it wasn't), etc. My heart goes out to her...nothing feels more cutting than to feel rejected by your own child and then to see them going down what we KNOW is a painful, destructive path that will bring them far short of their potential. Lord help them both!!
On the other niec-y front....well. What to day to the woman who can now take on the FL DMV and win...a far cry from the kid who wouldn't order Taco Bell without help. YEAH!! I don't know what I did to deserve such a great relationship with someone who I love, like and respect as much as I do her, but I am grateful.
OK, so today is a home day!! Hallelujah!! I just have to iron (I know...sounds so 50s) all those Old Navy shirts that I thought were a great idea. They look good on, but sheesh!!
I can hardly remember last evening..except I got my scrapbook stuff cleaned up and beat a Sudoku puzzle all by my lonesome!! LOL And Dori being shocked off her socks that I was up when she texted at 530 our time...now she knows what I was like when not on Lexapro!! WOOHOO!!! Not to mention that Cindi "the genius" Goron put the piece of puzzle on why my shoulder was so bad...and since I"m off the L word...well, my shoulder is better. Thanks Cindi!!
New Years Resolution Check in:
2 books read
exercised on track, still need to incorporate weights
talking waaaayyyyy tooooo much on the phone (thereby meeting the friends/phone one)
totally on it for Bible study each morning...really feels fab!!
sucking at telling people I love them...what's that about???? Sheesh part 2
went out wtih Paul to a FABULOUS Mexican restaurant in R'ville. Cilantro. That's my date.
Does it count that we got in a fight on the way home and I cried...probably!!

hug those friends of yours!!

I was blessed to go out with two girlfriends last night...Panera is a great place to meet, but they close a little early for my tastes!! We had a great time, laughing, catching up and in general just being together. It's a rare gift to be able to be completely honest with someone and they love you anyway. I have that in these two ladies...
and then I read the paper to find out a friend of mine from 13 yeas ago died. I literally can't keep the tears from forming in my eyes... we had lost touch as her daughter graduated and I quit bowling, but she was a kind and wonderful woman. Far too young to die. I"m kerflempt.
As I was thinking about what I was going write today, about yesterday being such a full day, (and it was) nothing seems quite so important or bright or accomplished anymore.
Here's a quote I found a long time ago and I've held on to it for years...so I want to keep it here for prosperity

I believe
in the spirit of the innocence,
the wonder that shapes us and leads us to dream.
I believe that life is a gift to be unwrapped everyday and given freely to those in need.
I believe that even in our darkest hour;
we can take a deep breath and start all over agian.
Most of all, I believe in the power of love and that in the end it will heal us all.

That's the kind of person MaryAnn was.

ABCs of Me...courtesy of Tara

ABC's of Me
A - Available/Single? married 21 years!!
B- Best Friend? Judy, Dori and Kimberlee
C - Cake or Pie? Pie...chocolate
D - Drink Of Choice? hot tea with flavored creamer or chocolate martini
E - Essential Item You Use Everyday? my laptop
F - Favorite Color? red
G - Gummy Bears Or Worms? ooh bears...but only those Haribou ones from Germany
H - Home or Homesick? Home but homesick for the carolinas (although WA sounds great too)
I - Indulgence? european truffle cheesecake that is only at Baker's Square in February
J - January Or February? February...it's closer to spring
K - Kids & Their Names? Cassie and JOseph (Melissa, Michelle, LIndsay are my part timers!!)
L - Life Is Incomplete Without? Faith and hope
M - Marriage date? 10/5
N - Number Of Siblings? 2 sisters 2 brothers
O - Oranges Or Apples? oranges if someone will peel them for me;fuji apples otherwise
P - Phobias/Fears? pitch black dark, speaking in public
Q - Favorite Quote: Believe what someone shows themselves to be the first time (Maya Angelou)
R - Rain/Sunshine? Rain, if it's warm but sunshine generally
S - Season? favorite is fall but presently a faky winter with no snow
T - Tag 3 or 4 people? huh???
U - Unknown Fact About Me? I sleep with a blankie and it has to have good binding
V - Vegetable you don't like? haven't found one yet
W- Worst Habit? I don't have one!! LOL I'll have to ask my husband
X - X-rays You've Had? head, neck, back, left arm, stomach, hips, chest
Y - Your Favorite Food? portillo's hot dogs or from home, soups in the winter fruit in the summer
Z - Zodiac Sign? Cancer...

in a word...

migraine. That was my day Sunday, by and large. Today, I'm feeling what I refer to as the migraine hangover. Literally, that is just how it feels to me. Add to that the Bears didn't play...well, just suffice it to say my day could have ended after I left church. And, honestly, service was amazing. Dana led worship and she has such an obvious heart for the Lord, I wish everyone could walk along side her and join in when she's up there at the piano. I feel blessed to know her...but even if I didn't she would bless me with her example.
I did, however, enjoy two amazing conversations...and let me tell you, one of my NY resolutions was to connect more by phone...and it's happening!! It's so easy for me to hide behind the email quickness, but there's something way more personal and engaging to an actual conversation. Seriously, like I have to REALIZE that?? Sheesh. Anyway, I couldn't believe it when I got off the phone and had spent an hour talking to Cindi...who, quite frankly, got bad advice from Melissa C (told her to call me on my cell, that I was always on it!! Not so missy!!) I just love both of those guys!! (really, gals!!) And then Sherrie called me LITERALLY as I was emailing her (think that was God holding me to my resolution, or WHAT??????)
I hope today is a better day for my head.
Here are the layouts I"m working on...the last of my unpictured ones...FRIENDS...is the only one left and it's probably not going to happen today!!

There's been alot of opportunity for thought these last 24 hours

I wonder what is up with God in my life these last 24 hours...seems like so much food for thought and I don't want to whip through them. Paul came home from his meeting yesterday morning with tears in his eyes, realizing how little he is really doing for his recovery and for making amends with me. Realizing that me trying to love him well does not reflect on the amount of healing in my heart, but reflects on the grace that God so abundantly pours out on my pitiful soul. (really, isn't God good that He loves us in our most torn up parts and then takes His holy hands and holds them together until the scars remain but the function is back????) SO we have this long conversation aboutintentionality and how God is working in my life and his life and where we feel like we are being brought to. I know that God is peeling away layers of why I spend money (ie, entitlement, insecurity being the big two) and I know, that being the uber-faithful God that he is, now that he has armed me with an awareness, I will be given strength and clarity to take action!! This growing up stuff never ends, does it????

And then there was a series of questions that I POSTED to a yahoogroup that I belong to and I decided to not filter, but simply answer them from my heart....and didn't read it over before I sent it. When I re-read it, I think I got some insight into how I present myself to the world, and also what I still struggle with without even realizing it!!

1: If you found a $50 bill on the street and had to spend it immediately, what would you buy?
I'd go at the speed of light to portillos and chow down.and if I was talking to you at the time, I'd invite you along, after I changed my pants!!
Seriously, this happened to me once and I used it to pay to send homeschool books to a mom who couldn't afford to buy them.

2: Are you serious-minded or a jokester? Why??
A little of both..not telling jokes, but joking around and in general having a pithy comment on my tongue!!

3: When you retire, how will you spend all the money you invested?
Hmmm.since I just calculated it will be ANOTHER year before we are even out
of debt, the only investment I'll be making is whatever Walmart will pay me to be a 90 year old greeter. Seriously, I'm so discouraged about this. Seems like a battle we cannot win!!

4: What is the most annoying show on television?
Little People big world. I hate that dad with a frothing mouth passion.

5: Are you more likely to avoid conflict or engage it head-on? Why?
Avoid until I'm clear on how to handle it.then head on baby. I'll have to tell you about a conversation I had with my sister in law..10 years too late, but at least I did it!!

6: How many times a year do you usually get sick?
Twice, but it lasts for 3 months Each. Asthma sucks

7: What was the most recent compliment you received and savored?
My niece, who is usually not like this said "Auntie Ger, you do not have to be all insecure about what the Wiesbrooks will think of you. You look great and just be yourself. Too bad if they don't get how great you are. "I just about bawled. That and someone thought I was 30. How cool is that.nice lie, but I'll take it!!

8: What is the funniest thing that your kids have done in the last week? Joseph let his friend put his hair in pig tails. Seriously, like 3-4 of them all over his head. And yes, I have pix.

9: What's something about yourself that you hope will change, but that probably never will?
I like to shop. Seriously. I wish I would just be content with what I have and not care about the trends. But, I do and it's my thorn and I keep working it out with the Lord and he is peeling away the layers, but I suspect I'll be like Paul (not my Paul, the BIG PAUL) till the day I die. just relying on God's grace to sustain me.

10: What's something about yourself that you hope will never change?
My compassion/empathy for others.

11: What world-changing event would you like to take credit for?
I was going to say cure cancer, but I think an end to all addictions

12: Are you a leader or a follower? How do you know?
Both. I will lead, but I'd way rather follow. Leading, while I think is one of my gifts, is not easy for me. It's draining. I second guess myself. I'm riddled with insecurities about the kind of leader I am, did I meet people's needs, did I have a vision in line with the event/organization..etc etc.

13: What song do you keep hearing over and over again?

Faith Hill "Fireflies"

14: Would you describe yourself as an extrovert or an introvert? Give an example.
Introvert.I love being alone, but have learned to maximize my total LOVE for conversation to the point that people think I am an extrovert.but I'm not.

15: What are you most proud of?

Being faithful to God's call on my life these last 2 years, and handling it with a smidgen of graciousness

16: Would you describe yourself as more of a feeler or a thinker? Why?
Feeler.10000%. I take those tests and don't even register that I have a brain, I'm such a strong feelings person. And Paul is the diametric opposite. Kinda funny!!

17: If you could live in any decade of history, which one would it be and why?

The 60's. When rebellion was the accepted social behavior. I'm a rebel at heart. That and hippy clothes, and tampons!! Really, what else is there!!

18: Are you usually late, early, or on time? Why?

Early except for church. Honestly, you'd think I was crossing time zones. And If I lived where Lynda lived, I'd never even make it to church. I'd have to aim for the 900 service to get to the 1045 on time. Pathetic.

19: Name one celebrity that has no right being a celebrity.
You all chose such wonderful ones.so my answer is (D) all of the above

20: What is your favorite greasy appetizer?
Hmmm..crab Rangoon from Shanghai bistro, dipped in hot mustard.
YUMMMMMMMMMM

Bonus: Knowing what you know now, what one thing would you change about your high-school experience?

{{I answered this one, but since it's a story not everyone in my family knows and they may read this, I edited it out.}} But the lesson learned from this one was there are scars on my heart from things 20 years in my history, not because of what happened to me, but because of my lack of action on behalf of others. I wish I could have been stronger, like my sister was for me. But I wasn't. I would now, if I had the chance to be that courageous today....which leads me to the LAST thing that happened...

I received a blind copy of an email that was a sarcastic, vicious attack on someone in our church. Although it doesn't affect our family directly, I realize that I need to do this thing that has been in my head for weeks, but I've been putting off. I hate seeing this kind of dissension in our church, or really anywhere. And what gives us a right as CHRISTIANS to judge others? Nothing. OR to send such a nasty letter. Not that the topic itself isn't worth discussing, but honestly...who is going to take it seriously with the presentation being like that? And now the walls are being built on both sides instead of the conversation taking place...for understanding, not judgment; for healing, not protection. I pray that God will be the center of this, not all the crap that is...I hope I never approach things this way...so frustrated and hurt and angry that my message, the kernel of truth, the feelings I"m trying to explain, get lost in the presentation.

I feel like I need a summer vacation after all of those lessons!! I guess I'll take a nap!!

What is UP with that????

I don't know if my life has gotten more interesting since the first of the year, or I"m just more aware of it since beginning to journal again. But seriously, yesterday was jam packed with FUN, friends, family stuff and other, non-catergorizable events.
Since being weaned off my anti depressants (thank you LORD!!), I've been reverting back to my old, wake up int he morning self. I kept saying I thought it was the meds that made me sleep so much, but no one believed me but ME. Well, as usual, I humbly put forth that I was right about my own body. How empowering!! LOL Anyway, I"m freakin' up between 630-800 every single morning, much to Kimberlee's shock initially!! I remember when we met and she wasn't the morning person and then I wasn't and now Joseph isn't. Poor kid is still sick. He was so pathetic yesterday...but ended the day on the high note of a pepperoni hot pocket...not the obvious choice when being nauseated all day,but it must have worked with him.
I scrapped all my Christmas cards, some other pages I cant remember, realized that I had a freakin' mess under my desk (all the pix I put under there to file away...yeah, they multiplied and brought friends and had a party and left the mess. So now they are all properly containerized and ready to scrap...first layouts of the year I"m going to do.
I chatted online with all my pals who were new in 2006. What a blessing to have friends from all over that are sisters of my soul and crack me up and challenge me and just are fun. Yahoo sucks, quite frankly, with the whole chat room thing, but the option, I guess is an old fashioned party line call or not hanging in cyberspace with them...not really an option to me!!
Ate lunch with Paul...yummmy zucchini soup. Zucchini has a bad rap. Seriously, add a little cayenne and some cream cheese and VOILA fabuloso soup. Seriously good. Yummo. Too bad it's all gone now. I, in my 40's, have conquered making cream soups. Sheesh. Took long enough and its' pathetic how easy they are. Note, Sherrie, if you are reading this, that I will be GIVING you these recipes that i"m drooling over.
All that living and it was only noon...
Talked to Judy...sure miss her but we can cackle with the best of them...even long distance. Where would I be without friends who I can laugh with about my blubber and bad parenting and nasty attitudes that once again attack. Seattle seems like a lifetime away, until she picks up her free long distance phone and remembers to call my LANDLINE!!! Just goes to prove that sometimes good things come from stalking...true, deep, silly, beloved friends. So watch out if I tell you I'm going to stalk you (Dana!!), I don't give up easily and usually I think it really is a God ordained friendship...but seriously, why doesn't God have someone stalking me??? I think I"m pretty fab to be around...but no, He appointed me stalker and you guys stalkees.
Ok, so I started dinner, trying to be wife of the week (like Paul could trade me in...too many miles on my chassis!!) and threw in a potroast with cajun seasoning and turned it on low so it would be yummy...then got to talking with Jud and forgot all about it. It looked NASTY. But it tasted good, once I filtered out all the grease. I hate grease...hate it in food, hair, on my nose. Honestly, what purpose does grease have?
Had to process more realizations about Paul..but that's another blog for another day. I am so looking forward to the day when we can just BE and not unravel damage done from his addiction and how he handled it. That was my HOPE for 2007, but I guess it was a dream. So,now my updated hope: That God will continue to give me the grace necessary in the moment and strengthen my mind to ward off all those nasty little thoughts that invade at inopportune moments.
Cassie has a staph infection under her arm. She says it's quite common, but I'm not so sure about that. And she canceled us coming over on Sunday. I just feel pushed to the corners of her world, an inconvenient but necessary relationship for her. Just doesn't seem like her heart is in it much. Paul pointed out that she's like that in all relationships, but I guess I thought we'd be different. Sad to feel like we aren't. Sigh.
ANd then...I was blessed with an opportunity to be with a delightful friend from MOPS who spent the evening at our house talking...God is so good. He is so faithful. He keeps sticking us in each other's lives as a gift until we see the wrapping paper and open it. Amazing parallel lives we live...and she just cracks me up. And so, another day closes in the life of me...wonder what the weekend will bring!?!?!?

Sheesh!!

I had the hardest time getting on here today...what the HECK????

So, I was doing my devo this morng, and that whole theme was be a servant and not our own agendas, doing what is best for others, een when they can't define it for themselves. And it seemed to me that, for me, that was 2006 in a nutshell. Not that I don't struggle with ginormous selfcentered-ness, but that I think God was really teaching me to set aside my agendas, whims and pleasures, for his grander plan for my life. To not feel inconvenienced by someone else's heart need, and to willingly set aside my agenda (which usually isn't all the important in the grand scheme of things) for the day to hold someone's heart for a moment. It is a lesson I hope I have learned well, and that I never forget it.

So, Joseph is sick with the flu today...missed his retreat and is laying in bed looking about as pathetic as a 15 yo can look. And my agenda is at his mercy...and I"m thankful for that opportunity. And Cassie needs to go to the doctor on Monday, so I'm taking her...and hoping to spend the day with her, seeing a movie she'd like to see. But in my heart of hearts, I"m expecting her to squeeze me into her day, telling herself that everything else is more important. But if that is how I can serve her well, and God can speak to her heart through my willingness to be with her, even for a little while, then I think that is good.

Yesterday, a friend hooked up with her brother who she hadn't spoken o in 10 years. Actually, to his wife. But it's a start...and I admire her courage in reaching out, and her openness in listening to her sil. And I"m thankful that she emailed me and I set my agenda aside to talk with her about it.

All this not to brag, or seem self-important, but to reflect on the opportunities God gives us in our day to day life, to serve other at their point of need, not our convenience. Wonder how many of these little blessings I've overlooked in my busi-ness???

Got to crop yesterday...here's a layout I HATE and one that I LOVE...side by side, still telling the story I want to tell. Another lesson in laying down perfection, agendas and judgment. And that's just a scrapbook page!!

Enough philosophy for one day!!

OK!! So...I"m a chauffeur (is that how you spell it??)

I sure love my family...seriously. When I was little and my mom brought my brother home, I said "I your big titter" to him and "He's mine" to the rest of the family. From that day, so the story goes, I was destined to be a mom. Dolls, being a tomboy, didn't fit the image and yet I had a tone of them and played with them all the time when I wasn't playing football.
So, fast forward to my life now... I feel so blessed to be in a position to welcome Joseph's friends into our house, just for hang time, and then to chauffeur them all over...seriously. This season of life is so short and those kids crack me up!! So, this week everyone is on break and I"m picking kids up, dropping them off at the mall (and helping them to discover the mall has entrance numbers, thereby making it easier for the chauffeur to find them), and in general feeling good. Between that and a big bowl of popcorn and my laptop running faster and being able to scrap my cutie pie nephew, things are good today!
On the other hand, Judy left for Seattle. It was great seeing her...she's a friend, confidante and fellow traveller on some journeys that few take. Just sitting with her and being able to look at her face while we were talking blessed my soul. Friends are a treasure; I think moving around so much growing up has made me super-realize what a blessing friends that stay in my life are.
And, how to explain to a man (that would be my honey) how to love a woman well...Hmmm... how's that happen?

And so it begins...

my new year, and this blog!! I can't sleep because Paul's wheezing with his miracle machine, but probably more because I was drinking tea while we were hanging pix last night. After almost SIX months, they are up and I am HAAPPPYYYYY.

I am so looking forward to 2007. '06 was literally the worse year of my life, bar none, but I sure learned alot. It's nice to look at 2007 with all the old stuff dealt with and behind us and I can just live a normal life,not a drama filled, what's going to happen next kinda thing!!

I,as usual, have new years resolutions, which I've stuck to so far..I think I'll make a separate list for that!!

Now, off to scrappin...the same darn page I've been trying to make since 1/1/07. How weird is THAT to see???

I love this picture of me and Paul...it's at our favorite restaurant, where we dragged my family (but they LOVED IT!!!) for Christms dinner and got them hooked on several dishes they probably never would have tried otherwise!! We were super happy and relaxed that night; I felt blessed and loved and FULL!!