Tuesday, January 26, 2010

So I heard this song

 at church on Sunday...and in compilation with the women's conference, the sermon of Sunday, this song really hit me between the eyes. Made me reflect on what kind of friend I am.  Friend to the people in my life, my family, my husband. Because before love comes friendship. And I wonder.  Wonder if I see myself for who I really am. Wonder if I've hurt people and am completely unaware.  It's been echoing in my soul

What kind of a friend could pull a knife
When it's him or you and his kids need shoes?

What kind of friend would do you in
When the bomb goes off and the shelter's his?
What kind of friends do friends become
When the musical chairs get down to one?
What kind of friend could I become?
What kind of friend am I?

What kind of friend would tell you lies
To spare you from the bitter truth?
What kind of friend could stoop so low
As to shield your eyes from the mirror's gaze?
What kind of friends do friends become
When a blind eye turns on the damage done?
What kind of friend could I become?
What kind of friend am I?

What kind of friend survives the night
In a frightened sense of self-defence?
What kind of friend can take the ache
Of losing face for friendship's sake?
What kind of friend do friends become
When the heart says "kill" and the soul says "love"?
What kind of friend could I become?
What kind of friend am I?

The women's conference was on choices available to us, dozens of times a day, and most of which we don't see. The two that jumped out at me HUGE was the choice to show mercy and the choice to forgive. Not just the big things...the little things.  The socks on the floor, the late home to dinner. I find it much harder to not let that get under my skin than the big ones. The big ones devastate. Destroy. Bring me to my knees. Which is where I need to be anyway. But I am profoundly aware that I need God's help to forgive the big things. They are too big for me. Too much. Too painful. But the little ones? Oh those, I can forgive on my own, right? I can overlook. Except all too often I don't. And if I'm on my knees, I SEE my need to rely on God for the grace to forgive. If not, I'm looking down, judging, evaluating, blaming. What I'm not is gracious, allowing others to be human. Choosing to let God judge and me not.
When the speaker told her story of her marriage, and talked about the baggage her husband brought to their marriage and how she was so self-righteous about her relatively small amount of baggage, it really struck a chord with me. She went on to say that he couldn't defend himself against her judgment AND work on his baggage, and that only in the letting go of him and looking at her own stuff, was he able to have the energy to work on his stuff. Both are a full time job...being in a defense position and working through pain that goes back decades. Which do I choose to be? The one sitting in judgment or the one allowing grace? I choose grace today. I hope I choose it tomorrow.
And then on to church on Sunday...do you love or do you hate? There is no middle ground. You can not hate a Christian brother/sister and be living in the light. Do you use your mouth to encourage, build up, or do you use it to kill, using murderous words and tones? Do you use your hands to point out other's flaws, or to lend a helping hand? Do you use your eyes to choose to overlook the humanity, flaws and struggle of another? Or to judge, criticize, condemn?
Quite the challenges for me...I'm on day three of more grace and forgiveness. I'd like to post next month that I"m on day 33, but I feel the struggle. I feel the whispers creeping in. Back to my knees...for the little things.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Contemplating favies

What are your favorite things?
~a warm cup of tea with peppermint creamer
~my blanket and waterbed
~believing that hope makes a difference

Do you have a favorite photo? Lately, it's this one of Ronnie on Christmas. He loved making us "pitties" with the bows

A favorite treat?
Mint meltaways from Albanese candy factory in Indiana. Joseph and Lauren discovered them for me. I eat them miserly at the rate of about 1 a week till they are gone, which, sadly, is the current state of my candy stash

A favorite guilty pleasure?
The View

An un-favorite?
Fighting/distance with people I love. Not knowing how to cross the chasm.

A favorite memory recorded?

Most recently, the crop this past weekend. Just load of laughs and fun and productive too.

A favorite moment savored?
Ronnie's birth. What an honor, an amazing moment, a vision of strength and determination, then a new life that has changed mine forever.

A favorite what-did-you-just-say?
Honest. To be pronounced Hone-est.

A favorite moment of introspection?
SO many to choose from…lately it was today and realizing that things will never stay the same if one of us doesn't change the course of things.

A favorite old page upon which you still love to gaze?
The page Cassie and Joseph made me for Mother's Day one year. It will always be on my wall.

or one that still makes you smile?
Joseph's unit picture. LOL

A favorite new page that might have to stay out for special viewing for just a minute longer?

Melissa's graduation from college. I am considering framing it I like it so much.

A favorite product?
For scrapping, my cricut. For life, my tea maker.

A favorite journaling strategy?
Just do it. I love the memory maker journaling blocks. I've journalled more since discoverying them than all the years before combined.

A favorite style? I love simple, clean, focus on the picture

A favorite season?
Fall…I can breathe, I love the colors and my clothes!! LOL

A favorite bit of current life?
Ronnie layouts of course…he's so darn funny!!

of everyday living?
My Life 2010 project…it makes me focus daily on my world

Do you play favorites?
Yes, I sure do

Are your favorites fickle?
No…once a favie, always a favie.

Do you have favorite people?
Yeah, I do. If you are reading this, you are probably one of them.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Off to the crop

and I can't wait!! I've got my pages picked, my pictures prepared, my sketches printed out. I've got my food (as in HEALTHY!!) bought, my snack to share (Poppycock on sale for $1.75 from $8.00 originally) packed up.
My goal is to:
laugh till I cry at least once (no doubt I will with Glenda and Theresa around)
get some sleep thanks to Theresa's new snoring mechanism
relax, have fun
spend nearly zero
scrap at least 75 pages
make at least 3 cards
complete 5 challenges
Theresa won't be there till late on Friday...but I'm gonna be there as soon as it opens!!

Monday, January 11, 2010

Today in Three Acts

Act 1

Home~Woke up too early for my tastes~put away the laundry that's waited 5 days (4 baskets!!)~ate whole grain waffles for breakfast~~savored my chocolate tea with mint creamer in my favorite polka dot cup~checked my email~spent too long on Cafemom trying to read journal on my favie group~texted Lauren in FL~Called Cassie/no answer

Act 2

Work~Listend to midday connection on WMBI on the way to work and literally laughed out loud several times over the "Man Rules"~Called Paul, which I never do, to tell him how funny it was and laughed all over again!!~Cindy wasn't there so there was a computer for me to work on~the farm house was warm today hallelujah!!~Mouse in the upstairs toilet makes me never want to use it again!!~Found out I totally forgot the Baptism student books. Ugh.~Did the usual Monday work…it was very quiet there today. Usually there's so much more convresation~Will be doing the bulletin while BW is in Hawaii~left with things still to do

Act 3

Called Cassie on the way home; no answer~talked to Melissa for a while as she flipped her stuff on Sable (something about a hussy) for getting the sheets dirty~Home again~roast in the over for dinner smells delicious; didn't end up as tender as I thought~ate dinner and laughed with Joseph and Paul; it's a good day to be here~worked on my swap~printed out sketch books~threatened Theresa with death if she doesn't take care of the snoring for this weekend~starting planning what to bring~Facebook for 2.5~Joseph off to surprise Lauren at the airport~Tired and ready for bed!!

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

What is happiness really?

HAPPY  /ˈhæpi/

1. delighted, pleased, or glad, as over a particular thing: to be happy to see a person.
2. characterized by or indicative of pleasure, contentment, or joy: a happy mood; a happy frame of mind.

So I'm in this journaling challenge for the year, and today's prompt is what makes me happy...I think this is great...sometimes I just get in a FUNK where I think I'm not happy because (I think) sometimes I define happiness by how my relationship with Paul is going...and I weigh it against how things used to be. So for me this is great...and I may remind myself often to read this particular post. There are so many other great things in my life...things to truly be happy about.
There are many small daily things that make me happy.
  • A nice cup of tea every morning...made from my fabulous tea maker that is bubbling up, and noisy and I just don't want to get rid of!!
  • Stopping at some point during the day and having a non-salty snack...popcorn(the cheap stuff has hardly ANY salt!!), yogurt, a bowl of fruit.
  • Hearing Ronnie laugh or say GIGIGIGIIGGIIGGI
  • Being organized...and maintaining. Finding what I'm looking for WHEN I'm looking for it!!
  • Praying and feeling God's presence.
  • Watching movies
  •  Texting people I love
  •  Watching a football game...especially if I'm watching it with someone as intense as me
  • Doing ANYTHING Creative
  • Helping out at church
  • Listening to Dr Michael Rydelnich
  • Music
  • Having great conversations with Cassie and Joseph, catching up with each other's life.
  • My flannel sheets and remote start
And then there's the deep stuff
  • A Solid Spiritual Foundation
  • Spending time with my children
  • My relationship with Melissa and Michelle
  • When our entire family is together
  • Having friends in my life that I know will always be part of my life...no matter where we are
  • When I am accomplishing what I need to do
  • Staying on target for long term things (the basement, working out, eating for my health).
  • I am Happy that I live in a FREE country
  • When I help other people, either by what I do for/with them or by giving my excess or no longer useful to me things and knowing it will bless someone.


Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Dogpile day

yesterday started with a message basically yelling at me for someone else's behavior, and ended with me crying over the last person of my day telling me that was I was doing didn't measure up with lots of other crap in between...it was not a fun day to be me. At least it was just one day.
On to more fun things:
layouts. I've gotten 12 layouts done this year, am planning my megacrop in two weeks (hoping to get 75 pages completed there), and actually bummed around all day today...it was a GOOD day to be me.
Made some decisions, just need some verification. I've got too much going on in my life. I need to cut out the loud for the important. Cut out the demanding for the necessary. My word for the year is PRIORITIES and some people are going to be disappointed, but I'm living my priorities for me and my family, not public support.

I scrapped these pictures, which have been sitting on the pile of undone pix on my desk for years. Got the layout done and was really happy with it...then found a random picture of Joseph which I stuck between the two on the right side. Looks good. Then Paul comes home from his parents' house with an entire envelope of pictures, including 5x7's of the pictures on the left!! LOL

These two pages honor an amazingly great period of time in my life...I had two great girlfriends with whom I could completely be myself, they lived close and we got together alot. I went to a church that I loved that had great programs for women, and we had married friend who got as silly as we did. Dori moved one summer and Judy moved the next...I wept both times and still feel the loss. I have other great girlfriends with whom I can be myself, and I still keep in touch with Judy pretty regularly, and we are finally making couple friends who also are silly and real. I have a church that I love even more than the one we were attending then. I am blessed...and I don't want to forget this period of time. That's why I love scrapping. It's the stories as much as the pictures for me.

So this was Theresa's great closet purge. I don't think I've laughed that hard EVER. We emptied 5 big garbage bags of WHAT NOT TO WEAR clothes...and I wanted to make the page feel messy and chaotic, like that night.

Melissa's college graduation picture. I couldn't be at her MBA, so I relived her college one, and I am loving these journaling boxes that I bought out in Seattle and NEVER USED!! Fabulous!!

Saturday, January 2, 2010

A quote and a layout

I read this quote the other day...
“I love you...and I probably always will. But we go days without having a meaningful conversation. And I used to miss you so much when that happened...but it never seemed like you missed me...and because of it, I stopped missing you!" -One Tree Hill

My first layout of the year...the story of me and Dori...