Wednesday, December 10, 2008

We're a schitzophrenic state...

we elect a president and have a huge rally...and then less than a month later our governor gets arrested ARRESTED, led away in handcuffs, for corruption and extortion. I've lived with Chicago politics my entire adult life, mostly as a joke, but seeing the waste and the (IMHO) misguided priorities, but HONESTLY. How do you get a 13% approval rating? And then be arrogant enough to challenge people to wiretap you...while extorting Children's Memorial, while putting a senate seat up for bid, while blackmailing the Tribune company to fire people...and then show up at a sit in for laid off workers?? I can only hope he gets pushed out of office. Imagine what he would have tried to do with the olympics!! Ugh. Hopefully now we'll have an HONEST governor. We've had one in my entire memory of living here. And he'd get re-elected if he ran...but he won't. Sigh.

Got a new phone...the blackberry curve. I give it a 92% approval rating. I like that I can set all my ringtones from the songs I already have on there, that i can use it like an mp3, that i can take LOADS of pictures, that I can set the calendar to do whatever days I want. I don't know that I'm crazy about the phone speaker though. We'll see. I've only talked on it once. It's def. a texting phone!!
And the girls are coming in after alllllllllllllllllllll!! WOOHOOO!!!

Friday, December 5, 2008


people are so damn mean. So busy with other people's lives. So unconcerned about how their toxic shit hurts others. Why is that??? Not that this is directed at fact, it was Joseph and his break up and his ex girlfriend's ANGRY, hateful, mean rip your heart out texts that made me start thinking...then my niece getting WHALED on by an old friend...for something that had nothing to do with her, none of her business and ancient history. Just to stir up trouble. Just to be mean. Vindictive. No purpose. None at all.

It makes me so sad. Why can't we just be nice to each other? What the heck is so hard about that. To respect people as human beings. TO not make sport out of hurting each other or getting revenge, judgment...

Not a good bills, tuition mishaps, no good cell phones to buy for replacements. It's cold too. Literally, 2100 out the door in the matter of hours.

I need to just go to bed. Things will be better in the morning, right? Off to a wrestling tournament and some warm cinnamon buns.

On the other car turned over 100,000 miles...on the way home from a great visit from Cassie's on Tuesday. I love that car. I hope it gets another 100,000 miles. ANd how can you have people like this in your life and stay upset too long? I'm blessed...and my heart aches for my peeps tonight.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Gosh...what to write

Things here are a mixed bag, as usual. It's been a challenging couple of months...and I keep avoiding blogging because I just don't want to put words to paper. So I keep putting food to mouth!! Sheesh!! SO today is the day I rectify both.
Paul and I on his birthday. We went to Portillo's with the youth group kids and Joseph picked him up and brought him there. The kids all sang him happy birthday and he seemed really happy that night.

Ronnie is getting so big...he's cruising around furniture and if he ever decides he can stand on his own, he's going to take off!! He is the funniest much personality...and is all about the changing of his mind. Up/down/ Cassie/me/ toys/books/ food/food/food. He makes the funniest sounds when he's happy...sort of an asthmatic wheeze. and blows his nose when he's mad. Minus the Kleenex of course. I love how much time I spend with Cassie, how much we talk and laugh and pontificate. Love that Ronnie loves us as much as he does. His little face lights up when he sees us, and he'll spend the evening with us (I think we're the only ones who get long term babysitting without meltdowns) and be fine...but usually cries when Cassie leaves. We just don't let him see her leave...and then it's like a home away from home so he just plays like he would if Cassie were here. He reminds me so much of Joseph as a baby...personality, clinginess, business. Cassie's a really great mom. And her priorities are right where they should be...I admire that she doesn't let others dictate what's important to her.

Ronnie's first thanksgiving. Cassie gave him his food and a spoon, but he preferred the direct food everywhere and was happy as a clam. We were laughing our heads off!!

Joseph is firmly ensconced in college, still procrastinating and will be lucky if he gets a C in math this semester. He doesn't test well, is amazed at what a waste of time class is, and will be paying for half of his math class if he gets a C. He's about to be off again with his girlfriend of off again/on again fame for the 4th time...she's such a nice girl, but they are not a good couple at ALL!!
Here they are singing happy birthday to Paul!

I'm heading out to Seattle again in January...a long weekend crop. Can't wait!!

Paul is doing what he does...quitting his program. Doing part of it. Justifying and getting mad at me when I call him on it. He moved in our bedroom for the first time in a year and promptly quit doing anything related to me...tells me what he's doing that doesn't involve me about once a week. I'm angry, disappointed and not surprised. He slept on the couch last night and will be every night he doesn't do what he committed to doing. 60 days after making promises to me, he's 55 days into breaking them. And yet, something has changed. We rarely fight. I think I just don't care that much anymore. If he wants his solitary life, then he can have it. I guess I've found a way to accept a surface marriage and get most of my relationship needs met elsewhere.

Started another Bible study..on the book of Daniel. I like it alot but it's going pretty slowly. I don't know if I can keep up the slowness of this pace!! LOL That's a new one!!

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Adversity and loss

make a man wise....words to remember. I'll skip the wisdom for a while.

It's freakin COLD HERE!! I've got my traditional 2 layers on and am about to pile on a 3rd. And some of the trees are changing colors. I love that. ANd the Bears are playing pretty well. They COULD be undefeated, but they aren't 2-2. That's ok for now...

Been working out for a month now...adding 5 minutes are cardio every other workout, which ends up to be like 2x a week. So I'm up to 30 and will be at 60 by 11/1. Been lifting weights and doing yoga on the opposite days. Only lost 2 lbs but wt loss isn't the only reason I'm doing it anyway. It's just a habit I want to form and not quit. I worked out 5/7 days each week in September. I'm shooting for 6/7 for October.

Going on a marriage retreat this weekend. We'll see how that goes. For today, I'm just doing the house, starting Christmas shopping, doing my bible study tonight and taping the debate to watch after.

I'll post what's happened with Paul some other time...

Someone sent me these questions...
1. Do you ever have 'ghosts from the past' pop their heads in to say hi? Has it happened to you lately? If so, who was it? If not, is there anyone you wish you could find?
~~KInda funny that this was asked because a "ghost" just has been popping up in my life. Not sure what I'm going to do with that but the timing of this question was interesting.

2. What do you think of Facebook? If you're a Facebooker, have you had any contact with long lost friends of the past?
~~I'm sort of a facebooker. I have one so I can be in touch with my nieces for picture purposes but some high school people have found me on it. Nothing has come of it, but they did find me.

3. Pretty much everyone is easily found these days. Do you miss the days of not being able to be found, or do you welcome people finding you? Why/why not?
Depends on the person. Some people I"m genuinely glad to be re-linked to. But one in particular is still so bitter from something that happened like 8 years ago, it just makes me sad. I do like that I can keep my blog private though!!

Friday, September 19, 2008

I seriously need to post here more. I can't seem to find a balance in my life. Either I'm on the computer ALL the time or for no time...

A lot has happened in the last couple of weeks.

My eye has cleared up, but I've been warned. If it recurs I will be tested for all kinds of auto-immune problems, Lupus being the one most mentioned. I have a 50-60% chance of recurrence because of where my eye was affected. At least I'm steroid free now!! And my vision is back to normal. I've had recurring thoughts of the last year "what if I couldn't scrapbook anymore", and I experienced that on a small scale with the scleritis. My eyes were constantly tired and achy, and I spent alot of time in the dark trying to avoid pain. For some, I'm sure, scrapping seems like a fluffy thing. But for me, with no pictures of myself and no stories remembered of my childhood other than being sick as a baby, it's really important the my family has the stories. They can not care, but if they DO want to hear them/read them, at least they are available.

I had a big eye opener about how frustrated and angry I've been this fall, probably this summer, maybe this year. I don't know for how long, but I do know that if I"m punching a door in frustration, it's time to re-evaluate how I'm processing things, who I'm letting close enough to affect me that way, what expectations I have that just aren't realistic no matter HOW much I'd like them to be. So it's been an interesting journey this last month and I"m glad for it. Not that I enjoy acknowledging crappy things about myself (like how far I've gotten away from healthy self-care), but it's the first step in improving things. Sad that my expectation with Paul has to be being ignored, not acknowledged and told I"m wrong when I express my feelings (as in, no you don't feel that way or no, that is not what happened), or it seeming as if he's actually getting it and then completely forgetting the conversation by morning. On the other hand, I have alot of good people in my life, who do listen, respond and remember. So focusing on that, spending as much time with them as I can, learning to rely on my relationship with Christ more and letting go...of alot. It's been hard, but good.

Started working out again...I"m on day 19...I think it might be a habit. I really don't like sweating, but I'm willing to now. And as Cassie said, you may not ever like sweating but you can like what it represents. When did she get so wise? Instead of writing on the calendar when I work out, I went through the month and wrote down my PLAN to work out and then write what I do below it. It's really working...and my legs I must be doing something right!! LOL

Paul is in CO now, on a 3 day intensive counseling workshop. I don't know if it's going to help. I don't know if he's going to quit again (or not even start), but I do know that the dvd on Intimacy Anorexia was dead on as a description of our life together, and that this is the first time that there's been a name, which means there can be a plan that might work for him. Watching that DVD was literally like watching my life story told by someone else. The guy doing the presentation said at the beginning "Some of you will watch this and say Dr Doug, it's like you have cameras in my house." I rolled my eyes...thinking this is going to be so cheesy. But by about 20 minute into it, I was like "Dr Doug, it's like you have cameras in my house!!" LOL It was empowering to have someone validate what I"m living, to tell me it's ok to be mad, that I have a right to be, and give me ways to deal with it, to tell me I'm not crazy that there is the nice guy Paul who everyone sees and then there's the private Paul that almost no one does. For the first time, I felt like SOMEONE understood. Really understood. So I gave Paul an ultimatum; go on this weekend or get out. I have every realization that Oct 1 looms large, and I absolutely will file on that date (our 1 year separation day) if he doesn't come home and jump in the deep end of recovery. There's a huge part of me that totally thinks that he won't. As in 99%. I can acknowledge the possibility...but it's hard to pump up any hope when there's a 100% failure rate till now.

Gotten ALOT of pressure to have hope in Paul, to bank alot on this week and him coming home changed, but they don't live in my world. They don't know what it's been like and they don't know what it feels like to watch your husband quit, not start, say there is nothing wrong, etc. etc. And I don't want to be bitter about it, but I also can't deny the reality of my marriage. So as much as I'd like to get on the "ignorance is bliss" bandwagon, I'll pass. I think it will be pretty obvious pretty quickly what next 2 weeks will bring. And in the meantime, I'm praying for him. Because more than anything, I'd like to see him healthy, whole, not hiding from his life. Even if it's too late for us, it's not too late for him.

Went to a crop last weekend and scrapped 21 pages...that are still sitting in the folder waiting to be photographed, posted and filed away. One of my projects this weekend.

And then there's my Bears. Obviously the whole family has gotten in the mood, well, except that boy who won't give in. But Ronnie is!! He was so funny...his little outfit is SLICK so he had a hard time crawling. Eventually the matching sweatpants were abandoned for the ability to crawl. But we taught him to he's all good!!
It was really fun to watch the game with Cassie. She NEVER watched with me when she was home, and we REALLY get into it.

Hopefully it won't be another 2 weeks before I post....

Saturday, September 6, 2008


Friday I had my first SS and of course it was fabulous...and came home to a completely delightful surprise of Cassie having the afternoon free. So hanging at the house became my agenda for the day...and being barfed on of course, feeling for new teeth, entertaining a certain 6 month old while talking to Cassie...and taking pictures of COURSE!!

Yes, that's him satnding on his own power. Cassie says he is almsot pulling himself up in the crib!!

And crawling...not in a circle like he's been, but purposefully to get to our drinks for the most part!! LOL

There he is heading to Cassie's taco bell cup.

And his two FRONT teeth came in before his bottoms!! They are bunny teeth...cute as can be and SHARP!!

Monday, September 1, 2008

Weird things that happen to me...

Some layouts I did...Soul sisters year end pix!!

LOL. Really. I have some random eye condition that is "extremely rare". I thought it was pink eye. Treated it as pink eye. And then it came back. So now I know, thanks to a WONDERFUL humble doctor at Corwin medical who said "I don't think I"m the doctor you need to see" and sent me on to an opthamalogist (late Friday afternoon), that I ahve Schleritis. It's a chronic inflammation of the whites of your eyes. I now have an eyeball on steroids to match the lungs on steroids. And a new opthamalogist who I really, really like. He said I might be able to wear contacts. That's not why I like him, but it's sure a little happy thing to think about!! He put these numbing drops into my eyes, which were wonderful, but dyed my eyeball yellow. So I have ONE eye that's bright red and one that's bright yellow. A little freaky looking, I"m sure. Luckily had my sunglasses on, so no one went running for cover or anything like that!!

And...I found out that John McCain had multiple affairs. He lost my vote with that news. More to follow...on the rest of my life.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Finally unpacked

from last week's crop (I guess it's almost 2 weeks now), and last weekend's impromptu trip to the scrapbook expo. I decided I was going to do it RIGHT,not just a stash and dash. And so it took longer, but now everything is prepared and ready to be used, away where it belongs.

And not letting the situation with Paul dictate the terms of my life (trying to find my healthy center here!!), I did a nice cleaning on the house, washed the windows, started reading a book on Anger in marriage (seemed appropriate!!) and began exercising again. HELP ME!!! I always quit this and I really need some encouragement on that front!!

I sorted all my layouts (like 100 of them) into the right album. A weekend project is to get them in the page protectors (all of my albums need more inserts!!)

And babysat the little man last night...Cassie and Chris had their first anniversary

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

some thoughts on IL...

so the challenge here is to take the letters of Illinois and make two lists. One that tells what I love about it and one that I hate about ya go!!

I--I'm totally familiar with it...know where every thing is
L--Leaves changing colors
L--ladies who I admire, laugh with, learn from
I--it's where my family is...mostly
N--Nieces love it here and visit me!!
O--Only Bears fans need apply
I--it was a great place to homeschool my kids
S--seasons...the bulbs popping up in the spring, ice covered trees, fall colors. Ok, I hate summer

I--I hate the cold
L--Loser sports teams are our reputation but it's a LIE!
L--Living so far from M&M, Judy, etc.
I--it would be nice to not have asthmatic attacks
N--neighbors are rude (not in the whole state, I'm just talking about my neighborhood)
O--oppressive traffic. ALWAYS!!
I--income tax going up every darn year
S--squishy. People keep moving here. Developments everywhere

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Busy week

with a major storm, asthma, Cassie and Chris dropping by and getting some scrapping done. Feel pretty if only I could breathe!!
This was the radar on Monday (I think) night...three tornadoes blew through here, one touched down in Bolingbrook, and dumped a ton of rain. The irony is that it was cooler BEFORE the storm...

He makes the funniest faces...sucking on his gums, looking at us incredulously, and in general showing his really BIG personality!! I pulled out a book for him, Goodnight Moon, which he proceeded to lick, gum, eat, pat and occasionally look at the pictures!
It was a nice surprise on a day I felt physically drained; and I could barely talk!!

My two favorite layouts for the last few days...A couple of pictures I'd had blown up with no real plan except that I liked them alot!!

Friday, August 1, 2008

Emailed the lawyer today

to take the next step toward divorce. Divorcing my childhood sweetheart, the first person I trusted with my family's real picture, the father of my children, breaker of my heart, the single biggest disappointment I have ever dealt with in my life.
There is something particularly crushing about watching someone NOT fight for a relationship, but this is a pain I can't even put into words...the awareness that he'd rather just wait for the end, telling himself that we'll make it through this, then slink off to bed without even saying good night. Would rather work on recovery once a week and say he was doing all he could than face the heartbreak of who he has been and choices he has made and the devastating results of all of that. And then move on.
That for all my fight, for all my passion, for all my love and for all my forgiveness, I couldn't make it work. I couldn't get him to see I needed more than an update on the flooded basement. I needed a man willing to invest in our marriage, our family more than going to work and coming home. That this addiction, as my pastor said, created a hole in him that needs to be filled. And changing to the 4th counselor and reading another book while implementing nothing of it willnot do it.
I don't know how I will get through chest feels like it's going to explode. I can't sleep. I eat, but always feel sick after I do. And after crying for a week, I thought I was done. But he walked away again tonight...has nothing to say on the day I tell him I've taken the next step. I never thought I'd be able to say I love him, hate him and can't be married to hiim any more. My head cant' wrap itself around the contradictions. I stare off into space and realize an hour has gone by again. I've done nothing....lost in my thoughts and shut down.
I wish I had filed three years ago. There was a part of me then that knew he wouldn't fight for us, that we weren't important enough in his life.
I can't believe he really isn't going to do anything but hide and make excuses. How did we get to here? How did he make it ok within him to just quit on us? To let us go through all this pain, for me to walk through the betrayals that I've dealt with and just think things would be ok in the end.
And being the mature person I am, I went through and threw out all the willow tree angels that were couples...and the hugging couple I gave him that's been sitting on his empty nightstand for 9 months. What I wanted to do was chuck them at his head. So I guess just tossing them was an improvement...I can't take one more reminder of what we AREN"T. What we won't be. As he sleeps next door. I cry.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

The girls are gone,

the house is resembling normal and it's time for me to get back to "normal" life. I'm uploading pictures but don't have time to post them here today...but I will. DOn't you worry!!

One word answers...
It is very nearly impossible for me to keep anything to one word but I did my best.
1. Where is your cell phone? charging
2. Your significant other? Working
3. Your hair? wet
4. Your mother? loner
5. Your father? gone
6. Your favorite thing? faith
7. Your dream last night? None
8. Your favorite drink? tea
9. Your dream/goal? fitness
10. The room you’re in? office
11. Your church? fabulous
12. Your fear? failure
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? elsewhere
14. Where were you last night? Here
15. What you’re not? fed
16. Muffins? Blueberry
17. One of your wish list items? restoration
18. Where you grew up? everywhere
19. The last thing you did? laundry
20. What are you wearing? shorts
21. Your TV? Closer
22. Your pets? None
23. Your computer? Laptop
24. Your life? Blessed
25. Your mood? melancholy
26. Missing someone? Yes
27. Your car? sparkly
28. Something you’re not wearing? makeup
29. Favorite store? Goodwill
30. Your summer? Fabulous
31. Like (love) someone? Many
32. Your favorite color? Red
33. Last time you laughed? yesterday
34. Last time you cried? airport

Friday, July 18, 2008

Haven't posted in six weeks...

I remember thinking the night of that Barak won the democratic nomination I should post. I was so moved by Hillary Clinton's speech, not because I like her (really, if you know me, you know I FOAM at the mouth DISLIKE them) but because here was a woman standing on a national platform, putting a woman's touch to politics...and it really made me realize that what I used to proclaim to the world was true. A girl can grow up to be ANYTHING these days. My daughter chose wife and mom, a great choice, but if she had chosen politics, it is a possibility now. Not a dream. My grandchildren will live in a very different world because of Hillary Clinton's run for office.
Then there was the ramping up for my bday and Melissa's trip and my trip to WA. And came home to Paul not acting on the ultimatum I gave him the day I left...
and a trip to a divorce attorney. Five days of crying to the point of my chest hurting, crying in my sleep, and crying some more.
I don't know what's going to happen from here, but I know I need to start reclaiming what was my life before his addiction came to light. So if he wants to do nothing and proclaim that all is well, even with a mountain of events proclaiming otherwise, he can. I just can't live on the crazy train any more.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

My countdown

TEN "essentials" that I cannot scrapbook without:
My scrap space. I'm a stay at home scrapper.
A tidy home. No dishes in the sink, a clean floor...
Photos that make me smile.
My cutterpede
Dotto adhesive, although I'm considering others right now. It's annoying me!!
Ink, patterned papers…a day isn't complete without ink on my fingies!!
My water bottle
Chocolate...just one little one
My computer...99% of my journaling is done on it
Time...I like having an afternoon, not 15 minutes. But I'll take that too!!

NINE words I love are:
"I love you", "Are you home?" "I'm stopping by"

EIGHT things that define my happy place:
home, family, friends, sun, relaxation, music, Bible study.

SEVEN things I love about my "every day" life …
Sleeping in. Love it every single time!!
Crock-pot meals...especially on scrapping days
Scrapbooking late at night when the house is quiet.
Playing with my little man.
Time to myself.
Talking/texting my kids and nieces.
Online chats with friends.

SIX places I'd love to visit before I die:
The Grand Canyon
Beaver Island again
The states I've not yet seen

FIVE things I do everyday, without fail:
Drink tea
Hug my son
Check emails
Connect with someone
Exercise (day 3...but still)

FOUR websites I frequent:

THREE layouts I love:

I love this one because of the colors, the title strip and it's me and my little man. There just aren't that many pix with with my kids, I have to literally GIVE someone the camera and tell them to take the pictures

These are some of my favorite pictures. Besides him just being bug eyed and silly looking, he's got so much personality. I also liekd focusing on the one big picture that was my favorite with the others playing "supporting characters". My favorite expressions all on one page!!

I liked this one because of the circle. It's a total sketch layout, but the colors are indicative of the season, the rubons I've had for years and sitll looked good and it was jsut plain fun to do. Gotta love my ink!!

TWO decisions I've never regretted:
graduating college...I almost quit with 2 classes left
having children...I love my kids to death, and no matter what buttons they push (which is pretty rare these days), those buttons were installed with years of love and intimacy and connection. They make me laugh, challenge me as a woman, make me proud...

ONE additional and very important thing you should know about me:
I made this blog even more private. I have things I've filtered out of my own ramblings in case someone read it. I removed people I KNOW haven't respected my privacy and feel one step better about my life...And I'm on the brink of 45 (HOW DID THAT HAPPEN???)

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Haven't updated this in a while!
Joseph graduated...I'm officially out of the homeschool business and he's officially in college.

Here he is ready for "fake prom"...texting as usual. I really felt the Looooooooooooooove with this one. After about 6 attempts and some cajoling, I got a good one. This isnt' it. Just my favorite!! LOL

Cassie applied back to work...don't know where that will end up, but it was alot of fun to have her join us at Bible study these last 10 weeks and I hope working doesn't cramp her style!! (Or our time together)
Paul's the same...
And our little guy is getting less and less little!! He's rolling over, sleeping through the night, laughing and watching us with great interest. He had his first round of cereal and like it alot, his first time in a walker...liked that too...for about 5 minutes. He makes me laugh every single time I see him... Now he's a drooling machine. We need a bib on him all the time and when he's on his stomach, there's always a wet spot left as evidence.

Been doing some scrapping too. 210 pages so far this year to be exact. Working on the kids homeschool years now...a real trip down memory lane. So far down, neither Cassie nor I can remember who some of the people are!! LOL

I love this one of Cassie and Ronnie. So intent on each other. It was a good day on this day..relaxing, fun, great conversation and laughs.
OH...and I gave my first professional talk on the 17th. Not much to say beyond that. Just want to remember...LOL

Thursday, May 15, 2008

What a great Mother's Day

Chock full of happy memories, great message at church, family time. I've officially turned into my mother...all I wanted was to see Cassie and Joseph and the bonus of them getting along and laughing together made it all the sweeter.

Gotta love the "I'll tolerate that lady kissing me" face. He's so darn funny....makes me laugh all the time. Good thing I never have to discipline him. Don't think I'd be any better not laughing at him than I was with my kids!!

Joseph with his new glasses...which I didn't like but like more every time he wears them...and which reminds me that I haven't put in for the reimbursement for their ridiculous price!!

Not the greatest picture of us all..but i certainly captures that point of the day!! Joseph switched his shift at Dippin Dots so we could go to church together for Mother's he was rushing off to make it there on time, the baby was starting to cry, and Cassie and I were just relaxing and enjoying the day. Her first Mother's Day corsage...hopefully not her last!!

Just a darn good day...with darn good kids...and a darn cute little mister!!

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Giving a talk in 2 weeks

and I am at the point where I always get "WHY DID I SAY YES TO THIS?????" I'm speaking at my first retreat, with a theme of "class reunion". My talk is going to be basically: we need to evaluate our lives at least as often as we go to a class reunion. Then talking about how at my 5th reunion, not much had changed, at my 10th I was 9 months pregnant (had Joseph the next day), didn't go to my 15th (there's some analogy there about not being present in my life at that point), 20th decided to go at the last minute and had a blast but realized alot of people hadn't changed much in 20 years; and our 25th we didn't go because our marriage was a mess and I couldn't imagine what I'd say 2 months after all hell broke loose. But they had an impromptu one the next year, and we went (I must say, I looked great) and had a really good time. And a few things I've realized: at each reunion, we've lost a classmate. Some to tragedy, some to illness, and now this last one, to an aneurysm. Lesson learned: don't expect to be at your next each day to its fullest and without regrets...and ask yourself (answer honestly): if I passed on between now and the next reunion, would I have left the legacy I wanted to? Would I have left a mark on the world for the better? What loss would be felt? And if something needs to change...CHANGE IT NOW.

Momentum changes one step at a time...over a period of if your life isn't what you want it to be at 23 or 63, change that momentum now. Do one thing today to change it. Then wake up and do another tomorrow. And another and another. Grow your friendships, value your family. Plant a garden (container or big), grow your faith, read a book from the library, take a walk. Laugh. Cry. Watch the stars and night and a good comedy with someone you love. Call someone you love...tell them. Write that book, or article, or journal entry you've put off. Send a card. Buy yourself flowers or chocolate or your favorite treat.

And after awhile, you will see that your life is richer, deeper, more filled with joy. You will not that not many of the things I listed cost money. And therein lies another lesson. Life, between reunions, doesn't have to be expensive to be EXPANSIVE. Live fully today. None of us are guaranteed tomorrow. Be kind today. We all like to be treated kindly. Start the trend. Forgive someone who has hurt you. Nurture a hope in someone else. Dream...a little dream. Where do you want to be at your next reunion? WHO do you want to be at your next reunion?

As for me...I want to be a woman with rich friendships and a deep abiding faith. I want to be a mom who unabashedly loves her children and whose children respect and love her. I want to be a doting grandma of my sweet grandson. I want to be a mother in law who supports but gives enough space, who celebrates the man my daughter married. I want to be a wife who loves and respects her husband and shows it. On a lighter note, I want to be a few muffies lighter and a few scrapbooks heavier. I want to be AG, the most frequent visitors of my beloved nieces. And I want to keep up. I want to age well. I want to sleep through the night and wake up refreshed (perhaps those cups of tea late at night need to STOP!!). And I want to walk one step closer to serving Jesus well every single day of my life. Because I'm either heading toward him or away. I choose toward.

What do you choose? Choose well...and I'll see you at the next reunion!!

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Cinco de Mayo

for us was waking up to the news that the bar across from Cassie's apartment burned down, a loss of electricity, then babysitting (and taking like 80 pix) and crashing. No margarita's here!! LOL
Joseph won his battle of the bands, with great style and enthusiasm. It was so fun to be back in the world of youth ministry. It really gets me excited and enthused!! I love every minute of it...

And National Scrapbook Day came and went with me not scrapping a single thing. And spending too much money on scrapbook stuff. Too much. Sigh. No budget left for May.WOrking on some layouts, trying to stay current and work on backlogs (think decades worth of it!!) on the big weekend crops.
Now that we are on the brink of no school for the rest of my life, in theory, I should get tons of layouts done!! Remember those words..."in theory" LOL

Seriously, is he not the cutest, funniest baby? I've never seen a baby (not even my two) that had as many expressions as this little guy does. I keep telling him "You are a funny little dude"...
And on his 3 month birthday, I was leaving and told him that I was going to go but would see him this weekend and he looked at me and smiled!! WOOHOO!! FINALLY...
and then he smiled at Paul on Sunday and Joseph on Sunday. What the HECK??? I wait and wait and wait...and cajole and beg and we all get the smile at the same time. Hrmph!!

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Last day of April

I have one page left to scrap to meet my scrapping goal (168 pages for the year)

I've met my exercise goal (as in, make it a habit again)

Got pictures of my tulips before bunnicula got them

Made tentative plans for summer travel

Finished school year plan with Joseph (9 days!!)

Finally got together with Theresa last night

Hung out with Cassie alot

Lots of good late night conversations with Joseph (the plus of us both being nocturnal!!)

Kept current with my Bible study

Had way too many conflicts with Paul

On the other hand, handled them better than in March

Got my charging dock for my camera

Went to a card swap and met some fun people

Got Joseph's contacts and dental appointments done

Read 3 more books

All in all, a good month