Saturday, April 21, 2007

So I"m driving down the road

with my sunroof open and my music at far louder than I'd ever have it with someone else in the's that kind of day here. The sun is shining and the trees are budding; the breeze is perfect. And I"min a ton of traffic. Rte 59 is no fun...but I"m listening to Casting Crowns and singing along, letting people in and all that nice stuff. I've listened to this CD 1,000 times. It's what carried me through those first days after Paul was outed by God.
I love it...every single song but one (which I wont' bother talking about because it isn't important!!)
This song comes on...
You are holy in this place
You are worthy of my praise and we worship You
Jesus we worship You
You're the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords
You're the Master of the Universe
You're the Ruler of all Nations
And we sing to You, sing to You
When You call my name, I'll run to You
I'll do anything You ask me to
Falling on my knees I worship You, my Lord
We give You GLORY

And the part "I'll do anything you ask me to" comes on...heard it 1,000 times..but this time, I hear this thought:
anything but touch Paul...hug him...snuggle up next to him...
Where did THAT come from? So I guess all those thoughts that I've had of snuggling up next to him at night like I used to, well, I guess they weren't just ideas. I'm thinking that is the next right thing to do in this healing process of our marriage. Sigh. It shouldn't be this hard. I wish I didn't fight it so much. But I do, so I guess it's time to start acting on these ideas...

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