Sunday, January 7, 2007

There's been alot of opportunity for thought these last 24 hours

I wonder what is up with God in my life these last 24 hours...seems like so much food for thought and I don't want to whip through them. Paul came home from his meeting yesterday morning with tears in his eyes, realizing how little he is really doing for his recovery and for making amends with me. Realizing that me trying to love him well does not reflect on the amount of healing in my heart, but reflects on the grace that God so abundantly pours out on my pitiful soul. (really, isn't God good that He loves us in our most torn up parts and then takes His holy hands and holds them together until the scars remain but the function is back????) SO we have this long conversation aboutintentionality and how God is working in my life and his life and where we feel like we are being brought to. I know that God is peeling away layers of why I spend money (ie, entitlement, insecurity being the big two) and I know, that being the uber-faithful God that he is, now that he has armed me with an awareness, I will be given strength and clarity to take action!! This growing up stuff never ends, does it????

And then there was a series of questions that I POSTED to a yahoogroup that I belong to and I decided to not filter, but simply answer them from my heart....and didn't read it over before I sent it. When I re-read it, I think I got some insight into how I present myself to the world, and also what I still struggle with without even realizing it!!

1: If you found a $50 bill on the street and had to spend it immediately, what would you buy?
I'd go at the speed of light to portillos and chow down.and if I was talking to you at the time, I'd invite you along, after I changed my pants!!
Seriously, this happened to me once and I used it to pay to send homeschool books to a mom who couldn't afford to buy them.

2: Are you serious-minded or a jokester? Why??
A little of both..not telling jokes, but joking around and in general having a pithy comment on my tongue!!

3: When you retire, how will you spend all the money you invested?
Hmmm.since I just calculated it will be ANOTHER year before we are even out
of debt, the only investment I'll be making is whatever Walmart will pay me to be a 90 year old greeter. Seriously, I'm so discouraged about this. Seems like a battle we cannot win!!

4: What is the most annoying show on television?
Little People big world. I hate that dad with a frothing mouth passion.

5: Are you more likely to avoid conflict or engage it head-on? Why?
Avoid until I'm clear on how to handle it.then head on baby. I'll have to tell you about a conversation I had with my sister in law..10 years too late, but at least I did it!!

6: How many times a year do you usually get sick?
Twice, but it lasts for 3 months Each. Asthma sucks

7: What was the most recent compliment you received and savored?
My niece, who is usually not like this said "Auntie Ger, you do not have to be all insecure about what the Wiesbrooks will think of you. You look great and just be yourself. Too bad if they don't get how great you are. "I just about bawled. That and someone thought I was 30. How cool is that.nice lie, but I'll take it!!

8: What is the funniest thing that your kids have done in the last week? Joseph let his friend put his hair in pig tails. Seriously, like 3-4 of them all over his head. And yes, I have pix.

9: What's something about yourself that you hope will change, but that probably never will?
I like to shop. Seriously. I wish I would just be content with what I have and not care about the trends. But, I do and it's my thorn and I keep working it out with the Lord and he is peeling away the layers, but I suspect I'll be like Paul (not my Paul, the BIG PAUL) till the day I die. just relying on God's grace to sustain me.

10: What's something about yourself that you hope will never change?
My compassion/empathy for others.

11: What world-changing event would you like to take credit for?
I was going to say cure cancer, but I think an end to all addictions

12: Are you a leader or a follower? How do you know?
Both. I will lead, but I'd way rather follow. Leading, while I think is one of my gifts, is not easy for me. It's draining. I second guess myself. I'm riddled with insecurities about the kind of leader I am, did I meet people's needs, did I have a vision in line with the event/organization..etc etc.

13: What song do you keep hearing over and over again?

Faith Hill "Fireflies"

14: Would you describe yourself as an extrovert or an introvert? Give an example.
Introvert.I love being alone, but have learned to maximize my total LOVE for conversation to the point that people think I am an extrovert.but I'm not.

15: What are you most proud of?

Being faithful to God's call on my life these last 2 years, and handling it with a smidgen of graciousness

16: Would you describe yourself as more of a feeler or a thinker? Why?
Feeler.10000%. I take those tests and don't even register that I have a brain, I'm such a strong feelings person. And Paul is the diametric opposite. Kinda funny!!

17: If you could live in any decade of history, which one would it be and why?

The 60's. When rebellion was the accepted social behavior. I'm a rebel at heart. That and hippy clothes, and tampons!! Really, what else is there!!

18: Are you usually late, early, or on time? Why?

Early except for church. Honestly, you'd think I was crossing time zones. And If I lived where Lynda lived, I'd never even make it to church. I'd have to aim for the 900 service to get to the 1045 on time. Pathetic.

19: Name one celebrity that has no right being a celebrity.
You all chose such wonderful my answer is (D) all of the above

20: What is your favorite greasy appetizer?
Hmmm..crab Rangoon from Shanghai bistro, dipped in hot mustard.

Bonus: Knowing what you know now, what one thing would you change about your high-school experience?

{{I answered this one, but since it's a story not everyone in my family knows and they may read this, I edited it out.}} But the lesson learned from this one was there are scars on my heart from things 20 years in my history, not because of what happened to me, but because of my lack of action on behalf of others. I wish I could have been stronger, like my sister was for me. But I wasn't. I would now, if I had the chance to be that courageous today....which leads me to the LAST thing that happened...

I received a blind copy of an email that was a sarcastic, vicious attack on someone in our church. Although it doesn't affect our family directly, I realize that I need to do this thing that has been in my head for weeks, but I've been putting off. I hate seeing this kind of dissension in our church, or really anywhere. And what gives us a right as CHRISTIANS to judge others? Nothing. OR to send such a nasty letter. Not that the topic itself isn't worth discussing, but honestly...who is going to take it seriously with the presentation being like that? And now the walls are being built on both sides instead of the conversation taking place...for understanding, not judgment; for healing, not protection. I pray that God will be the center of this, not all the crap that is...I hope I never approach things this frustrated and hurt and angry that my message, the kernel of truth, the feelings I"m trying to explain, get lost in the presentation.

I feel like I need a summer vacation after all of those lessons!! I guess I'll take a nap!!


Carolyn said...

Hi GeriAnn,
Stopped by again today. The link that my comments leave is to my old blog. I haven't figured out yet how to change that, but here's a link for you to my newest one.

Melissa said...

I totally took that picture :-)!!