Last night at church was

amazing. I never fail to be touched in some way on Wednesday nights...either by P. Rick's message, or the music played, or conversations afterwards. Always something and frequently profoundly touched...think about it during the week...Paul and I discuss it at length sometimes. Anyway, so we're studying Romans 5-8 and we're on Rom 7 now, which P. Rick is teaching from a different perspective than is usually taught. We are not Christians who are bound to struggle with sin and our past for the rest of our lives. We, the day we become Christians, and when we are baptized, and every day since, can leave our caca at the cross...we can leave behind the sins we lived out so obnoxously(that's me, not him!!)...we can leave behind the scars from our childhood or early adulthood...we can leave behind our low self esteem, confidence issues, etc. It may be difficult, and that's not without speaking OUTLOUD that we are changed, forever, profoundly, for the better, in Jesus, because we have to convince the evil forces in the world that we are serious about leaving it behind. We are serious about not falling to the temptation (for me) of anger, sadness, defeat, hard heartedness. We are serious about not letting others dictate our feelings, but get our positive mojo (again, me) from our faith and from the knowledge that we are forgiven...forever...completely....clean...

So...at the end of the session last night, P Rick says something to the effect of "those who have business with God, and want to leave something here, are welcome to stay". And he restarts the song...well...I've heard that song a million times. I love that song. It makes me cry. I am moved to tears that I am forgiven, because Jesus, 2000+ years ago, chose to die a horrible, humiliating death for me...for me to be forgiven...and not just that...to be restored...to find joy and value in my existence instead of believing the lie "i wish you had never been born"...and last night, I did have business to do with God...I just didn't know it yet.

So...I lay down my broken heart regarding my marriage. I am walking on in faith that Jesus, who forgives my sin, who restored my soul from the lies and abuse of my childhood, who brought all of that to his broken,nail scarred hands and held it together until I was whole, that same Jesus is now doing that work in my heart for my marriage. I will choose life...love...respect.

And I come home and bawl some more...not those cute little boohoo tears...oh no...the swollen eyes, booger dripping nose tears....again...because that's what I did at church. Mental note: pack kleenex!! And I share with Paul what happened and what I"m feeling and realizing.

I am so blessed...and forgiven...and restored. I wish and pray the same for you as you read this...because God doesn't play favorites and He's got the same offer with your name on it.