Friday, March 9, 2007

A few little funnies and a big realization


Ok, so Joseph and I have to go to the mall...the place I once LOOOOOVED and sought out for entertainment, friendship, a filling of my soul. It was where I went to buy self esteem, not only for myself (clothes, jewelry, great SOCKS!!) but also for others (gifts, cards, coffee). At least that's what I thought...of course we can't BUY self esteem, and in the end, I have realized it's just a place to go to get what I need and occasionally something I WANT!!
Joseph needs new contacts...that boy is BLIND!! Ahhhhhhh....finally something of ME genetically shows up in his life!! Not what I wold have chosen, but for sure he is MY SON!!! LOL
11:00 appointments: me for a haircut, him for his eye exam. 1129, I'm done and walking my 10,000 steps. My goal is 6,000 because I know I'll bike for at least 3,000. Ok, I've hit it. I've gone to NY &Co and gotten the scarf and pants I've been eyeballing. No Joseph. Text him: Uh...are you done? (I sound like HIM to me!!!) Text back: I just got in. Now it's 1145. It's 1215, 1230 and the doctor beckons me, to inform me his 1.5 hour (should have been 30 minute) exam IS NOT DONE YET!! They need to take his eyeball pictures again...he squinted. Sheesh!! Another 10 minutes, they take him back. Another 10 minutes, we are released to the payment center...another 5 minutes we are basking in the relative freedom of fresh air outside of Macy's!! And $500 lighter (honestly!! I got a pair of bifocals, an exam and RX sunglasses for HALF of that!!) As Joseph points out, well, You always said I"m not a cheap hobby!!!
Starving, we decide to reverse our plan for the afternoon and head to Portillo's FIRST. Ahhh...the anticipation. The glorious smell and sounds of chili dogs cooking and being eaten. WOOHO!! But, in keeping with the day, it's not a straight line...there's an IDIOT stopping all southbound traffic so he can get through without waiting for a break in traffic...or going to the obvious traffic break (that would be the stupid light a half a block down). Seriously....we are backing up like there's an accident while Mr Self Centered waits for the world to realize he needs to turn left onto Rte 59. He's even blocking the shoulder. He's smirking. His truck is dirty. You know why I could see all of that???I WAS THE FIRST CAR!!! So, being a Christian, I HONK and do NOT display any digits. He does. OK....so now it's MY FAULT he's blocking traffic.
Here's the little realization: He was BEYOND self absorbed and didn't care if he caused a traffic snarl, or an accident. Didn't' care about HIS need to turn messing up other people...how often do I get blind to my perpendicular stunts like that, that instead of going with the flow or waiting my turn (esp. with God!!), I just make my own rules and the affect on everyone else is just far too irrelevant for me to see or acknowledge. Hmmmmm.....
So Mr Blue Truck gets in HIS lane, and we are off again to Portillo's. Oh the beauty of those red and white awnings. I'm salivating. Seriously. We haven't been there since Melissa left this summer. It's been 6 long, deprived months...but it's coming to an end.....what a great day!! Yeah.......till I see 4 school buses (not those little, petite ones either...the big ole, monstrous ones that hold 66 students). I say, Oh man, JOse, I don't think this is good...why would anyone do a field trip to Portillo's. He says, well, maybe it's just bus drivers meeting here. I say...OKKKKKK, but I've never seen THAT before. In we walk....to the noise level that would put planes taking off to shame. EVERY SINGLE 8th GRADER IN THE PLAINFIELD SCHOOL DISTRICT is in Portillo's. Mercifully, they had already ordered. So up we go, and order (I get the burger for the first time...and the last...chili dogs it is if I'm gonna splurge dietetically). And we wiat...wait....wait....for our food. We sit in a cozy little booth made for toddlers and talk about life and the boy sitting alone. Joseph says that would have been him in 8th grade...he didn't have many friends. Flashback to the 2 year retrospective. Talk about that for a bit. That boy can pack away the fries with cheese like nobody's business...
On to the breadstore. AT LAST...I have my whole grain bread!! YEAH!! And the library to pick up books...
now, we get to the library and Joseph goes to get his books on hold (a wonderful little service that saves us HOURS!!). Goes to check out and the woman says "You have 3 books on hold" Joseph: well, I could only find two. At which point, 4 different employees of the Joliet library system go and look at exactly where he looks and confirms to him that my 15 year old sophomore in High school can IN FACT spell and read his own name in black bold print. The book is NOWHERE to be found. Of course, it's the book he most needs for his research project. Sigh part 23 for the day. We try to ascertain whether we will get a call when they FIND the book or if they call whent he book comes in, not when they label it. No one is quite sure how this works so that is a mystery that may be solved in the future.
Back to home, it is now 3:00 and some DUDE decides that the turn lane is a shortcut, cleverly disguised as an actual turn lane for others....I am one with my horn once again. Joseph says I'm getting "FEISTY". I say I'm getting tired of rude, self centered drivers. We pull in the driveway and that discussion is put on hold for another day!! LOL
Joseph finds out that Erik left without even saying good bye. "Bogus", "now I'm really pissed", are variations of his venting theme. He's really having a hard time with the idea of Easter this year...comes in to talk about those two points...and how even though it isn't the CALENDAR date of Cassie leaving, he's already anticipating it being a sad day. Sigh part 24. I hate when our kids hearts hurt and we are powerless except to acknowledge it.
Ok...here's the big realization:
Went to church on Wednesday...what a freakin' amazing, God anointed, powerful beyond words, heart and soul balm. I have been places where it has been so apparent that the Lord has been there...but literally the ENTIRE room was experiencing it...and all different ways. WOWZA!! I walked away with several thoughts: one, I am blessed to belong to a church with that kind of spiritual impact. two, I have been boxing God in...I trust HIm, but what if this stuff with Cassie, which is so awful to watch, is part of HIS bigger plan to get draw her even closer to him and Chris to know Him at all? Paul hid his addiction better, and had a better job, but it was the same life in the inside. And look what God has done through our marriage...not just in the last 2 years, but way before that. So, my new (DUH) prayer: God, your will and your power and glory will be done in this situation, in Cassie's life, and that we will continue to turn to you as we struggle....that we will not be sighted for what is before us but also what is going on in the world we DON"T see" And...how different do I look to Chris? Am I like the people that Jacquelin was talking about Wed. night...a Christian that hurts HIM deeply? I don't need to approve OR agree with him, and I know that he and Cassie are both turning their backs on God, but I DO need to love him...and be kind to him. I am COMMANDED to do that.
Final big realization...I met a lady Wed night whose daughter just left 1/8/07. She's heart broken for herself and her other daughter; hard hearted toward the Christians in her life that didn't act the way she thought they should; scared for her prodigal. SOOOOO closed and hard and hurt. And I realize that God, once again, has healed my heart. I am so blessed...so overwhelmingly blessed and I can only hope and pray that I will be of SOME help to Jacquelin. But I know the journey is hers to walk...I am thankful for the guide I have had in mine. And thankful for those people who held my broken heart in prayer...in fellowship...in love...and in laughter!! Yep. Blessed!!

4 comments:

The Letter J said...

im so sorry to hear that about joseph. what a tough time for him. what a tough time for the thorntons. what a tough time for our church. you need to make sure that you protect him from those thoughts. dont let him be captive to lies told. the rumor mill is in full swing. prayer is key now. know that i will be in prayer for your son and daughter.

Anonymous said...

I cant believe how rude you are about everything you encountered that day. It sure doesn’t sound like you made it any easier on Joseph or yourself. You didn’t need to be so ignorant about library staff trying to help you. Maybe it would have made you feel better if they hadn't looked at all, and just given up on you two.

And the traffic. Getting angry and honking and screaming at other drivers only adds to the problem. If you don’t like aggression on the roadway, don’t contribute to it. I think you sound like the type of person who walks around spewing negativity at everyone else and then expecting the whole world to stand and applaud when you finally do crack that occasional smile. The world isn’t always a nice place, if negativity bothers you try counteracting it, not falling into the trap.

Ger said...

Dear Anonymous...
thanks for your thoughts. You don't know me, I"m guessing, or you would have signed your name. You don't know me or you would have known I am NOT a negative person. You obviously don't know me because I don't crack an occasional smile; there is almost always a smile or laugh coming from me. You don't know me, because if you did, you would have picked up on the tongue in cheek attitude. ANd Finally, I am disappointed that YOU spew negativity behind the mask of anonymity...disappointed that you won't say it to my face if you even live in my world. But that is your right. However, I will delete you from now on if you don't put a name with your "helpful criticism". Thanks for giving me somethng to think about and check within myself!

Anonymous said...

Ger, I love your response to what "anonymous" said about you! You really showed grace. You'd think that by reading so many of your Blogs that person would have gottten a better sense of who you really are and not be so quick to judge. We need to pray for him/her.
Like you're the only person to get frustrated by the happenings of your day...please! Love ya, Ger
Joy