and I literally got 2 hours sleep last night. I read till midnight, woke up at one, woke up again at 3 and tossed and turned till 5. Songs were going through my head; imagining today was a constant theme...apparently the plans for the reception aren't as solid as Cassie assumed they were, and literally as her wedding is ending, the reception is going to be being set by Chris' family and whoever else helps... The church rents out the hall to another congregation while their service is going on and for whatever reason, it wasn't dealt with. So as I understand it, Denise (Cassie's mil), is going to go in there and push them out as soon as they are done with their music. And from the sounds of it, it's going to be pretty forceful and confrontational.
I'd say poor Cassie, but this is her wedding and she's abdicated the bulk of the planning to Denise and what she hasn't just handed over to her, she's procrastinated to the absolute last minute.
And finally last night at 830 or so, she talks to Paul about walking her down the aisle, informs him that Chris' ENTIRE family was at this betrothal/rehearsal event yesterday and that "if you want to", we can show up at 9:30 this morning for a last minute rehearsal. This would be after telling me "there's no room for you" to wait with her in the office before the wedding. I literally can not remember a time in my life where I have felt less wanted and more rejected. Never.
I don't know what today will bring...and I hope that everyone (including me) can keep their emotions in check. It seems like a tall order.
In twelve hours, it should all be over. I will no longer feel like an unwanted interloper at my daughter's wedding. No longer have to deal with the impression that they'd rather us not be there (who are the they? According to Cassie, not her...but look at her ACTIONS!)
Hard not to reflect on the kind of mom I was and wonder where I went wrong that she'd either allow this to happen without saying "no, this is not how I want things" or make it happen. Either way, I'm hurt, disappointed and raw inside. But I've got to shut down these feelings till after the wedding. I don't want to make it worse. And I do hope she's happy...even at our expense. Because that's about the only way I can live with being treated this way. And I suspect it will be an ongoing theme in our lives from here on out.