Thursday, August 16, 2007

It's only THURSDAY???

yesterday was just a crazy day, as well as spending six hours on the phone Tuesday...
Bible/book study was good Tuesday. It was a quick chapter, so we were able to catch up on each other's life a little bit. which was good. Lynda and Theresa needed to vent. Why is life so freakin' hard some times? For me, it's easier to go through the valley than to watch others do it and feel helpless.
I was talking to Lynda about stress and its affect on our bodies...how we need to take care of ourselves by eating right, sleeping (or at least resting), taking time for laughter and drinking lots of water. And then yesterday, I got so busy I forgot to eat. All day. Sheesh.
It seems like it's a trifecta of stressful stuff over here...if it's not church stuff, it's MOPS, and if those two are at a lull (a rare but possible occurence), then it's Cassie's wedding.
She doesn't return my phone calls or emails or posting on her facebook. She did, however, answer Paul's last two calls, so at least we have information, however sad it is. They still haven't sent out the invitation. Chris keeps saying he'll do it, but there they sit. Just like the forms they needed to fill out for the church (for like 6 weeks) Denise (his mother) is doing the flowers. Cassie doesn't even get a say in it...which is pretty much the way whole wedding has gone. She told Paul she wasn't going to ask him to walk her down aisle. There are two questions the priest asks...who give this woman and do you give her freely. She knows the answer to number two is no. So instead of saying "what the h*(# am I doing that my family and friends aren't going to be at my wedding, that none of them approve of this, and that I think I can't even ask my dad to walk me down the aisle, that my fiance has planned (or in this case NOT) every aspect of the wedding and I didn't even get the invitations or attendants that I wanted, WHAT KIND OF MARRIAGE IS THIS GOING TO BE????? and walk away... no. She just transfers blame to everyone else: her job and how busy she is, Chris and he hasn't followed up on his part, etc. I'd say I'm heartbroken, but honestly, after the last two years of seeing him steal bits and pieces of her soul, and then her giving away MORE, and the increased isolation that she goes along with, I'm not. I think I've accepted and grieved that this is waht she has chosen for her life, no matter what broken part in her makes this all ok somehow, and I just pray that someday she comes to her senses...before he kills her. Because she knows it's an abusive relationship and stays. And abusive relationships always escalate. Always. ANd who knows what's going on there now. I can't even think about that. I'll go crazy...this amazing, funny, talented, intelligent, tender, compassionate girl/woman being smacked, pushed, pulled, dragged, held down by a man far too big and no one there for her. I jsut can't spend much time thinking about that. I hate the thought of HIM, who should be caring for her, tender toward her, loving her to death, laying his disgusting fat hands on her to hurt her...and then their kids. OK, clearly, I need to work on forgiving him freely. Ugh. And I know it will be an ongoing thing. Repeated. And forgiving her for letting it happen.
But to quote Dana, in all her wisdom (which is alot), "these are the results of her choices and she's going to have to deal with them". She was talking about something else but it sure fits here.

On to happier things...Judy is in and we BETTER hang out today!! I have to remember her mom's number...I dont have it and Judy doesn't have her cell phone according to her last message. CAN NOT WAIT> CAN NOT WAIT!!!!

2 comments:

Azucar7458 said...

Hey Geriann,

I was wondering if you think Cassie will flake? She has so many reasons too and if the invitations don't go out and that is chris's fault, wouldn't that be a better excuse than "I made a series of poor choices and decided to wake up and walk away." Just thinking and hoping out loud.

I'll see you tomorrow...I started my Lisa Welchel Bible study for a busy mom book. It was good. I know I can do it without the guilt of thinking I have to spend more time reading the Bible in order to complete my "good Christian check list" that she talks about...

Love,
Melis

Lynda said...

Ger,

I wish that God gave us all the power to take up one anothers heartbreaks and hurts. If I could that is what I would want to do for you with Cassie right now.

You are such an honest, open friend with me and you don't let me just vent without you still
helping me place things in the TRUTH and the correct prespective.
I so wish I could do that for you with Cassie now. I can't though
because it is not your prespective or your thinking that is lost.
As a mom. I think any of us moms can get alittle taste of what your heart is feeling. The other night I was thinking about Cassie and how you must feel....how I would feel if it were my little girl,
grown and making a very bad choice that is OBVIOUSLY NOT blessing her life but instead breaking her heart.....and she is just comitted to "giving in" to her own pain.
Anyway, I was thinking what Cassie is doing now...and the way you are feeling would be kinda like if I saw my daughter walking into a burning building...I KNOW SHE IS GOING TO BE BURNED AND HURT if she walks in there....SHE KNOWS she is going to be burned and hurt if she walks in there....but she is soooooooooo mezmorized by the glow of the fire and by something she **THINKS** she needs in that
building ...EVEN THOUGH she knows walking in there will harm her life in someway forever.
ANyway...you know how stressed I have been lately so maybe this
doesn't make sense...but with all my heart I wish Cassie would STOP this wedding......and give herself a chance for the future that she deserves.
I am so glad you are my friend Ger!
love,
Lynda