Tuesday, July 10, 2007

I think I've met

the game playing quota for this trip. We have played golf (the card game, not the actual), dominoes, phase 10, gimme 5, golf, golf, dominoes. I don't think I missed any. It's been fun, but I'm over it with two weeks to go!! LOL ANd I always lose. ANd I don't pay enough attention to know that after 5 rounds of Gimme 5, I have to ask "do we flip the card?". Which of course, sent Meesh into peels of laughter. Then JOseph and I finally win and start bickering over who was the bigger contributor to the win (the correct answer is me of course!!) and I say to him "Joseph, this is how teams fall apart." which was quote #2 for the trip....and laugh attack number 2 that sent me into a near asthma attack and tears and tummy pain from laughing so hard. Not to mention that Meesh informs me I have an eye that doesn't actually LOOK at you, but near you. Is that TRUE???? All because I dared to (1) look at her and (2) ponder how dark her hair looked while still gazing upon her beauty. Mental note: do NOT look at Meesh any more. Consider her off limits.
Today we are working on her graduation scrapbook. For some odd reason, she feels the need to get dressed nice to scrapbook...but when I take her shopping she goes scrubby, but when we're staying home she gets dressed up. whatEVER!!
AND>>>>she thinks I say "seriously" too much. What does she know???? Sigh. Kids these days.

On the other hand...a couple of things have been batting about my mind these days. One, P Rick said something in his class Sunday that literally brought me to tears. He does that sometimes. And it lingers. Anyway. Here it is: "for the joy set before him he endured the cross, despising the shame." A passage from Hebrews. Being a bible study class, not too surprising. But that joy set before him was us. "Les Bishop, Geriann" I don't know why it struck me so deeply at that time. It's not like I haven't heard that before...but the fact the Christ would endure the pain of crucifixion, the shame of hanging naked on a cross in public and being branded a criminal and blasphemer, that He was doing it for the HOPE of me turning to Him in my life. OMG. That is just overwhelming... He endured the cross by seeing our faces down through time...
The other thing is: I"m just plain heartbroken at what IS happening in our church. And I am having a hard time working through my feelings of anger, betrayal and disappointment. I know I need to, that my heart is not in a good place, and it's hard. Getting harder to find a reason to step through those doors, to separate my emotions from the scripture being preached. God's word doesn't return void. So I SHOULD be able to separate them...but it's harder each time some crappy thing happens and doesn't get talked about and needs to be sifted through to find the closest thing to the truth that is available. We need prayer. We need healing.
Given the tears that came to my eyes regarding Jesus' shame and crucifixion, I think I can get beyond this. So I can be a woman who follows Christ and SHOWS it. To bring glory to God in my obedience with a GOOD heart, not a bitter heart. To allow the Holy Spirit to work on my heart through this time and what it brings out in me. I want to leave...to find somewhere more comfortable. But I just don't feel like that's what God is saying to me at this time. It would be so much easier...isn't running always easier? But not better...not if I trust that God will bring good through this for those who love Him (that would be me in this case!!)
Joseph has 3 days left of 15. Where has the time gone? My baby is shaving and soon will be driving. I keep joking that in one year, my job skills will be obsolete, but there is some truth to that. I'm proud of him. He's a great guy. Kindhearted and tender, strong in his convictions and honest. Fun to be with and loyal. The spitting image of his dad with dark hair...

No comments: