as I waited to hear from Cassie, that I've seen the end of life and the very beginnings. Being a participant in birth, C-section style, is soooo different from being alongside someone who is in labor and giving birth. It really is. When it was my kids, all I cared about was "were they healthy" and "how much longer" and stuff like that. With Cassie, I wanted to be a witness to her strength, when she could no longer sense it. I wanted to encourage her in those tough times. As time went on, I was more and more in awe of her strength, her determination, her ability to find that zone that Cindi talked about. And then it was done. And off they go to be a family, to begin the journey that we began almost 20 years ago ourselves.
And on the other end, being with my dad as he grew weaker and weaker, more and more silent and nearer and nearer death gave me a great respect for the men and women who work hospice. Who day after day and week after week, witness other's suffering and loss. I don't know how they do it. I was so grateful for the borrowed time with dad, to mend our broken relationship and to laugh with him again. And then, slowly, painfully, and the with relief at the end, he took one slow step at a time toward His maker.
No one will ever convince me, after seeing both ends of life, that we are not a people who receive miracles and wonders to this day. To see my dad's peaceful face as he passed, and to see my grandson's blue, then pink face as he entered the world, reminds me of what I already know.
There is an awesome God who created us out of an overflow of love; out of a desire for connection with us; out of an abundance of grace and creativity. I forget that sometimes in the busy-ness of my life. But this week, I have pondered it alot.
And pondered how to be a grandma without being a helicopter parent, how to help Cassie but not too much, how to get caught up on 20 years of scrapbooking so I can attack my new "victim" with abandon!! LOL