Monday, November 12, 2007

It's been quite a week. but

not even a week i guess. I could go on and on about Paul's family and all of that. But I think I'm going to try to put it in the rear view mirror. The good thing that came out of all of it is that Paul can live free of keeping secrets (although I wept at my part in not protecting his wishes) and he didn't have to tell them and see the looks on their faces. I will say that for all the horrible things that were said that night, his specific addiction wasn't up for discussion. That is a big comfort to me since I always thought it wouldn't be that big of a deal if they knew...except his mom, who is scathing with her judgment and tongue, but she was too busy skewering me to judge him. I'm thankful for that.
And even in the midst of all of this, good things have happened. Talks and heart level sharing and our kids REALLY rallying around Paul. I just bawl at him sitting there and listening to what his mom had to say about could anyone EVER say stuff like that to their son with such a cold heart, not with an ounce of concern for HIM? And his dad's heart being so tender and sweet...

Saw Theresa's house finally. It's really nice...roomy and open and a clean slate for them to do what they want. I'm excited for her. She got rid of a TON of stuff...and is really trying to keep things orderly. It's about 10 minutes closer to our house...and way less of a pain to get to, so I'm excited about THAT too!!

Cassie and I had our first girls night in...just the two of us tired selves. It was funny and nice and relaxing...even though we got TOTALLY lost going to the Chinese food place. It was good to just talk and help her out a little bit. I'm looking forward to our next one already.

And...I've been literally mourning the loss of my beloved cookbook for a year. It's the only one I really use with any regularity and I KNEW I wouldn't give it away...but I couldn't' find it anywhere. I also didn't think I'd lend it out because it's a treasure. Well...I DID Lend it to Kimberlee. I'm telling you I"ve torn my house apart more than once looking for it. And then the other day we were talking and I was lamenting my beloved lost cookbook and happened to mention the name of it, saying "I canNOT believe I still can't find my St Mary's cookbook. I wonder where it is?" To which she my hands. I about died. I thought she was kidding, but the next day, there it was...once again in my hot little hands!! WOOHOO!!!

Final thoughts...someone asked what it was like before I was a mom...and here's my answer.

Before I was a mom…
I never knew the comfort of smelling clean baby smell
Or the disgusting smells small boys can create.
I never read a book I didn’t like just because someone else did
Never swallowed a lump in my throat as someone walked out the door
Or stopped reading a storybook because it was making me cry
Never worried about someone else’s driving, or making friends in school.
Never felt so much responsibility for a life that wasn’t mine.
Never scrubbed caked on poop in places I should never see on another body
Never lost nights and nights of sleep to comfort a sick child who couldn’t breathe
Never played barbies ad nauseum, memorize entire passages of star wars, or bought oatmeal. (really what child LIKES oatmeal???)
Never bought new underwear while out for the day because of a major accident.
Never had a gigglefest
Never went to mcdonalds against my will
Never cleaned up a soda spill so large it created its own tide pool
Never made a tide pool (yep, did it for a school project)
Never prayed for just one more night of sleeping through…and then used a spoon to see if they were breathing
Never stuck my finger in someone else’s mouth to see what was ingested
Or growing…
Never scraped another person’s poop onto a popsicle stick for diagnostic purposed
Never cleaned blood out of a beloved sweatshirt by scrubbing it and washing it 10 times in a row
Never dreamed that a small body could create that much work…or that much love…or grow my faith in a way that is beyond description.
Before I was a mother I lived an incomplete life and didn’t even know it.

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