So Tuesday night I went to Bible study. Have been going a couple of months now. Didn't expect much, especially when I called Lynda to say I was late (skirmish at home) but would be there, and she said everyone else cancelled and she hadn't heard from Vicki.
Well, I was wrong. One comment Lynda made, which was NOTHING. "Making a list really helps with sticking with priorities". That was it. Well, it's been a long time since I got an arrow in the heart like that from God. Because I did talks on this very thing to MOPS groups. THIS VERY THING. And what was my priority? Not getting a job so I could get divorced faster. Not leaving Joseph to a hot pocket dinner so I could make minimum wage because it was easier and less painful than being home. OH NO IT was NOT!! SO BAM!! Point made. Amidst crying. Why is obedience so darn hard sometimes? I always said (before Tuesday) that once I knew what God wanted me to do, it was what I did. Until Tuesday. I bawled, argued, cried. Anything but the hard road God. Really. Well, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me isn't paraphrased to I can do all easy thing 0r all things I want to do. So. there ya have it. Conviction. Then a realization. When asked: who are you jealous FOR (not of) (darn those Beth Moore questions!!), my response: Paul, to be healthy, for him to know God's love and tenderness, healing and restoration. Cassie and Joseph, to have great relationships and a strong faith in God. For them all to live out what God has planned for them. If I thought I was crying before, this was a new one. Literally, the Bible study stopped. I hate crying in front of others (you think I'd get used to it as often as I do it") If that is my answer, I can't very well also say my heart is cold to Paul, that I don't love him anymore. I may be wounded, frustrated, sad, hurt, angry. But clearly there is something else buried way deep down.
I went home exhausted but peaceful.
Wednesday I woke up with no voice and a really, really tight chest. No Pastor Rick's last class. One conversation all day. Late dinner, tired, cough cough cough.
The good thing about having no voice: minimal distractions by phone. I got alot of scrapping done. ALOT. Why do I have energy to scrap but not to clean? LOL
Thursday, Cassie Lindsay Joseph and I were all supposed to go to a movie. Joseph forgot and made plans. Just as well since I was really miserable by then. Double just as well since the movie we wanted to see as a matinee had a first showing time of 4:20 and we needed like a 1:20 show. Maybe next week.
Friday, dragged myself to Soul Sisters, where Lynda did all the talking. I love that group. What an amazing group of ladies. I am blessed. Come home to find out my niece BROKE HER KNEECAP. I won't say how. But man. She is in some serious swelling and PAIN. And it was her good leg. Not any more. She sent me a picture. It looks like a stomach, it is so swollen. No definition. Poor thing. And here I am and can't do a darn thing from so far away. She's drugged. She needs to be. Poor baby. Sigh.
Sunday. Sad, hard, sad, sad sad. Rick and Dana say goodbye to Assembly. I could editorialize about them being called up on the altar for a goodbye thing, but I'll just leave that go. A beautiful party, indicative of them as people, both in church and as friends. Tears aplenty, food abounding, stories, laughter, celebration. Their new church is blessed to have them. I envy those people...it's a small church and everyone will have the opportunity, should they choose to take it, to really get to know them. Lucky them. I could climb on the boo hoo train, but I guess I'm all cried out. I hope our friendship withstands the move. I know how hard it is to make that transition from breakfast into lunch dates to phone and email. Luckily, I"m in practice.
So here are a few layouts I did this weekend. I'm almost done with my summer trip to FL. Those words should not go together. But the weather was great, the fun was plentiful, laughter non stop and just plain GWOOOD!! So much fun. So glad I went. So blessed to call these guys family...and also friends. Goofballs.