quiet weekend

Sunday was an interesting mix of a day, but mostly it was relaxing...

I guess it really started Saturday night when we went out to Joe's Crab Shack in Bolingbrook, but when we got there it was out of business. Lesson learned under the "don't procrastinate going to restaurants you love". I heard there was one at Fox Valley...I hope so!! We haven't been to one since we went with Joy and Mike back in the dark ages!! We strolled through Joannes and Michael's looking for a scalloped punch, which we found, and texture plates, which we didn't. What good is it to win a cuttlebug if you can't find any thing to use in it??HMMMM????

Home to just hang out and listen to the birds before the sun set. Come to think of it, we should have had a fire pit, but neither of us thought of it I guess.

Then Sunday, Cassie came to church, much to my delight. It was so great to sit with her during service, but I didn't hear her sing at all. I miss hearing her voice!! Someday... I hope. She ran into a bunch of people who she knew from back when...so that was cool, I think. I went on to class and came home to yummy pancakes...

and Cassie telling me that she's decided not to go through with the wedding in August. I hope she sticks with it. I fear she won't. Based on our conversation today, I think she's backpedaling already, because Chris cried when she told him. Sigh.

Anyway, we had a nice lunch with us all laughing and teasing each other; then shopping for her to use her Target card from Alicia. She's a careful shopper but spend every cent on herself. YEAH!

Back for a chat and dinner (some freakin' hot guacamole too!!) and a conference call about Paul's dad coming home on Wed.

Now it's back to the mountain of laundry and putting away my spring clothes.

Moving right along...

went out with my shimmer sista's last night. We've been meeting on and off for a year, and seeing each other at MOPS, and praying for each other...what a great group of women!! We laugh, eat, talk about everything under the sun, and are still realizing how much we don't know each other!! It was great to get away from everything for an evening and just be...and the pie wasn't bad either!! Here's to double fork eating, circle journals, honesty, heart connection and all the forms of beauty and strength I was with last night!!
And big kudos to Eloisa who passed on the pie as most of us were eating not one but TWO half slices!!
I was blessed last night, and continue to be blessed by the women in my life.
And thanks Lana for your comments...that was pretty much my take on it.

How sad...

that people feel compelled to be rude behind anonymity. But in the nature of soul searching, I"m asking you guys who DO know me...is there any truth to what this person is saying? Please be honest...and sign your name!! LOL I really do listen for that nugget of truth in criticism, not matter how harsh, but I'm not feeling it on this one.
Check out March 9th's post and comment section...and let me know.

You raise me up

I love this song...have loved it since my niecie first popped in to play with her "Ohhhhh AG,, I loooooove Josh Groben" (and I was like who??) anyway...this song makes me think of my dad...at his best.

"You Raise Me Up"
When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.
There is no life, no life without its hunger;
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;
But then you come, and I am filled with wonder;
Sometimes I think, I glimpse eternity.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

So here's the question:
Who raises you up?
and who do you raise up?

Well, now that the wall street journal has said it...

it must be true.
Scrapbooking is dowdy. DOWDY!! Isn't Queen Elizabeth dowdy? Hrmph. Read the article for yourself..and fyi...I color coded the particularly irritating points this guy made...as IF!! I have never been called dowdy...directly or indirectly!!

Dowdy Craft Business GetsMartha Stewart Makeover
As Media Outlook Cools,She Tries Scrapbooks;Wooing 'Elite' Dealers
By BROOKS BARNESApril 25, 2007; Page A1
On a recent episode of her daytime television show, Martha Stewart set out to make a decorative songbird out of wool and felt. It didn't go smoothly. She struggled to wind the wool into a head and strained to insert wire legs. "This is a tough little bird," she told viewers, frowning.
Now Ms. Stewart hopes a high-stakes crafts project for her company will be less exasperating. On May 1, Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia Inc. will roll out a line of more than 650 products aimed at the legions of hobbyists who assemble elaborate scrapbooks. It's the company's biggest merchandising initiative since it teamed up with Kmart stores in 1997, and it represents a strategic shift toward licensing its brand and selling via the Internet.
What does the domestic-arts maven see in a dowdy industry where merchandise is sold in cluttered stores stacked floor to ceiling with pipe cleaners, Styrofoam balls, glue sticks, beads and fake flowers? (has he ever BEEN to a scrapbook store??? or did he just stop at the Walmart craft department and call it a day???)
"Paper crafts may sound like a quaint pursuit," says Chief Executive Officer Susan Lyne. "But it's actually a rapidly growing business." Preserving photographs and memorabilia in decorated albums -- enthusiasts call it scrapbooking -- has grown into a nearly $3 billion industry, according to the Craft & Hobby Association. Martha Stewart Living hopes to ring up enough sales of $1.69 colored markers, $4.99 bottles of glitter and other merchandise to generate $100 million of annual sales within three years.
The rollout of Martha Stewart Crafts is part one of a planned merchandising blitz that the company hopes will return it to profitability and deliver long-term growth. Although Martha Stewart Living posted revenue of $288 million in 2006, up 36% from a year earlier, it had a loss of $17 million. It hasn't turned a profit since 2002, the year Ms. Stewart became entangled in a securities-fraud investigation that resulted in her five-month imprisonment on an obstruction-of-justice charge.
Ms. Stewart's high-profile media businesses have traditionally been the company's engine. But both magazines and television face serious long-term challenges, including the migration of advertisers to the Internet and a declining audience for daytime television.
Ms. Lyne's strategy: steer Martha Stewart Living into low-cost, high-margin licensing deals. Ms. Lyne hired Robin Marino, former president of Kate Spade Inc. and a veteran of Burberry Group PLC and Federated Department Stores Inc., as the company's first president of merchandising. Ms. Marino already has lined up deals to sell Martha Stewart dinnerware and furniture at Macy's, premium Martha Stewart house paint at Lowe's and even Martha Stewart-branded homes.
But it's Ms. Stewart's bet on crafts that investors and competitors are watching most closely. The company sees the sector as a promising new revenue stream, one perfectly suited for the Internet. Its entire scrapbooking line will be offered for sale on the newly redesigned MarthaStewart.com, the company's first major retailing attempt via its own Web site.
To succeed, Ms. Stewart will have to connect with a far-flung world of customers, including legions of Middle Americans who may never have used her tips on home decor or holiday cooking. (Because Lord KNOWS we ar far to busy checking out the dowdy fashions and trying to stave off the attack of styrofoam balls to make our homes...welll HOMES.)She put her designers to work coming up with new twists on such mundane products as scrapbooks, ribbon, and cardboard boxes (this guy is ticking me off!!). Her executives went looking for a retail partner whose stores didn't look like a mess. (Didn't stop at our Michaels...what a mess...all mess all the time...that's their motto)And Ms. Stewart herself hit the road to try to woo some hard-core crafters.
Martha Stewart Living has always stood out as a rare business built around a single person's taste and sensibility. The partnership that put its products into Kmart stores has been rocky, with sales lower than expected. That convinced the company of the importance of tightly controlling product design, marketing and even store layouts. Otherwise, the brand will suffer, it concluded.
Eccentric Business
The crafts business, in some ways, is eccentric. Even outlets operated by big craft chains often resemble Main Street hardware stores from a bygone era, with oddball items stacked inefficiently in a dusty jumble (again...where the heck does he SHOP???). Suppliers are a hodgepodge, ranging from the office supply giant 3M Co. to a two-person company that sells a single item, Baby Tooth Album Inc.
Scrapbooking draws a diverse crowd, crossing age groups and ethnicity, and is particularly popular in smaller communities. It's possible that crafts and scrapbooking enthusiasts will view Ms. Stewart's glitzy Manhattan media company, along with her exacting recommendations for doing things, with a measure of suspicion.
"I'm not sure people want to bring a brand into their scrapbook," says Shelly Izen, the owner of Scrapbook Fever, a crafts store in Salem, Ore. "Martha's stuff looks pretty, but crafters are strong-willed and don't want to be told what to do. Martha's stuff seems very 'do it this way or no way.' "
The U.S. craft and hobby industry recorded $29.5 billion dollars in sales in 2006.
Ms. Stewart, in an interview, predicted crafters will ultimately embrace the line. "We have some high-quality, wonderful products that I'm sure people are going to love," she said.
Scrapbooking dates back to the 1800s. Mark Twain helped popularize the practice by patenting, in 1872, a "self-pasting" book that had thin strips of glue on each page. It wasn't until the late 1970s, when interest in genealogy spiked following Alex Haley's "Roots" book and TV miniseries, that a cottage industry sprouted to cater to scrapbook fans, who often fill their books with pieces of family history.
Between 1998 and 2006, scrapbooking grew from a $350 million hobby fueled by mom-and-pop stores to a $2.6 billion business, according to the Craft & Hobby Association. Big retailers began stocking items for enthusiasts, such as specialty scissors, stickers and sparkling paper. Wal-Mart Stores Inc. in February said it would stop selling fabric by the yard in certain stores and begin offering crafts supplies.
"It's not a very sexy business," says David Abelman, senior vice president of marketing for Michael's Stores Inc., a big operator of arts-and-crafts outlets in the U.S. and Canada. "But a lot of people have realized it's a good one."
Ms. Lyne hopes he's right. Worries about the future of Martha Stewart Living's media holdings have contributed to a 21% drop in the company's stock since Dec. 20. The CEO is eager for licensing deals to kick in. "The year ahead is an important one for us," she told investors in a conference call in February.
Martha Stewart Living's stable of magazines -- Living, Everyday Food, Body & Soul, and the newly launched Blueprint -- are growing, Ms. Lyne notes. Ad pages for its flagship magazine, Martha Stewart Living, totaled 1,287 in 2006, according to the Publishers Information Bureau, up 95% from 2004, when advertisers fled following Ms. Stewart's conviction.
Slow Gains
But the magazine has yet to regain its 2002 peak of 1,887 pages, and the gains are slowing. That troubles some investors and analysts. In this year's first quarter, ad pages in Living increased 11%, compared with an 80% increase in the same period last year. By comparison, Time Warner Inc.'s Real Simple magazine, which gobbled up market share during Ms. Stewart's legal troubles, saw ad pages rise by 32% in the first quarter.
Ms. Stewart's chief financial officer, Howard Hochhauser, says the company expects advertising revenue to grow by about 25% in 2007, due largely to a recent price increase. He says the company views publishing as a "vibrant" business.
Ms. Stewart's syndicated television program, "Martha: The Martha Stewart Show," has won awards and attracted strong advertiser interest, but hasn't met ratings expectations. The program attracts about 1.5 million viewers each day, according to Nielsen Media Research, about 40% fewer than stations anticipated when it launched at the beginning of the 2005-06 season.
Shows with similar ratings typically face cancellation. But General Electric Co.'s NBC Universal, which distributes the program, has agreed to give "Martha" another year before deciding its fate. Ms. Stewart recently fired the show's executive producer as part of an overhaul effort. "We are bringing back more of what Martha is known for, teaching and how-to inspiration," says Ms. Lyne, who notes that much of daytime television has been struggling. The company cautioned investors in February that it expects TV revenue to drop in 2007 because of a failed DVD effort.
The merchandising relationship with Kmart, a unit of Sears Holdings Co., has also been disappointing. In recent years, sales have been lower than anticipated, partly because higher-end consumers interested in Martha Stewart products were unenthusiastic about her Kmart line, retail analysts say. To make matters worse, Kmart has shuttered dozens of stores. A Kmart spokesman declined to comment. Ms. Lyne says the company plans to "refresh" its Kmart product assortment later this year. The current agreement between Ms. Stewart and Kmart is set to expire in 2010.
Despite the Kmart problems, the company believes that merchandising and licensing deals can deliver growth opportunities and high profit margins, while requiring little upfront investment.
Ms. Lyne says the crafts push will lend itself to Internet promotion and merchandising. Scrapbooks are often assembled communally, with aficionados hosting "cropping parties." MarthaStewart.com aims to both sell scrapbook supplies and serve as an online forum for crafters. Users will be able to post videos and photos of their projects, view craft-related video clips from Ms. Stewart's show, and download instructions. The company says crafts is already the second most visited section of the site, after food and cooking.
Exclusive Partnership
To protect its brand, Ms. Marino sought an exclusive partnership with a specialty retailer. The company decided that two national chains -- Jo-Ann Stores Inc. and Hobby Lobby Stores Inc. -- were too downscale, according to two executives involved in the matter. Representatives of those companies didn't return calls seeking comment.
Martha Stewart Living executives opened negotiations with Michael's Stores, which has 920 stores in the U.S. and Canada. The typical Michael's store stocks 44,000 different items, says Harvey Kanter, the chain's executive vice president and chief merchant. In exchange for a commitment from Michael's to reduce clutter by reorganizing its shelves, Martha Stewart Living named the retailer the exclusive bricks-and-mortar outlet for its merchandise, at least until the fall.
Mr. Kanter say the changes were helpful but not extensive. "We just needed to think a little bit harder about our customer's needs," he says.
For their product line, Ms. Stewart and Hannah Milman, editorial director of crafts for Martha Stewart Living, tried to come up with new twists on old products. Ms. Milman says innovations include adhesive-backed ribbon and "collector boxes" in which crafters, instead of pasting keepsakes into scrapbooks (what??? I can't remember the last time I used paste...anyone else??), can create displays for wall-mounted dioramas.
Senior licensing manager Alex Perruzzi says the design flourishes will allow the company to market and price the merchandise, which also includes some paper products unrelated to scrapbooks, as premium and "aspirational." A white cardboard box for holding cupcakes -- think school bake sales or housewarming presents -- is based on one from Ms. Stewart's favorite bakery in Paris. Sheets of colored paper aren't described as brown, but as "Norwegian chocolate."
In January, the company dispatched Ms. Stewart and a dozen executives to Anaheim, Calif., to give a group of "elite" private craft dealers a sneak preview of the line.
As the invited dealers sipped wine and munched on gourmet Asian appetizers, Ms. Stewart and her team talked up products ranging from stickers of daisies ($4.99 a sheet) to an ergonomically designed paper punch ($9.99). When Ms. Stewart held up one of the blank scrapbooks from the line, the crowd responded with a chorus of oohs and aahs.
The dealers, who had started lining up for Ms. Stewart's demonstration two hours in advance, reacted positively to most of the products. But some references to Ms. Stewart's deluxe lifestyle didn't play as well. When Ms. Stewart described how she converted an entire floor of her "winter house," located on her Bedford, N.Y., compound, into a craft-making studio, several dealers rolled their eyes.
"This is just a little preview, but we are devoted crafters, as I hope you can tell, and this is just the beginning," Ms. Stewart said.
Write to Brooks Barnes at brooks.barnes@wsj.com

A tale of loss and redemption

Ok, so I have a teamaker, that my dear dear friend Dori demanded that I get. I think her exact words were "time to get into the 21st century Ger!!" It's not a fancy shmancy thing, but I love it. I use it daily, or even twice daily. It's a part of my daily happy dance. Really, only tea lovers know what a fabulous thing this might be.

After months of use, it's glugged up. It's steeping badly...making 16 oz of tea with 28 oz of water. The rest just disappears...sad but true. It's dripping...not brewing. Literally. drip.drip. drip. That poor baby is working so hard, but so inefficiently. All for me...my happiness...my little cup of sunshine. Yep. There's mutual loyalty here.

So, off to MOPS I go, inquiring of the all knowing coffee women how to clean a brewer; it's gotta be the same as a coffemaker, right? Essentially? The answer comes from on high, from the ladies hovered near the coffee table. Clean it with vinegar and then run water through it a few more times to clean out the vinegar smell.

So, I do it. I use my last vinegar to clean it. No use. Run water through...maybe the vinegar needs to be rinsed out...well, 6 pots of steaming water later, all of my cupboards are steam cleaned on that side of the kitchen, but still no efficiency regained. Sigh. Waiting for the Calvary to come home, sporting a blue mechanic uniform.

I'm totally sick to my stomach from what I'm sure is my last trip to Shanghai Bistro. My body just isn't used to high fat food anymore. It is revolting against my beloved Portillo's, Shanghai and even Burrito king. Sigh...now you are probably thinking I'm off point, but OH NO SISTA!! I am not.. It's all on point...here's why!!

As Paul was leaving for P. Rick's class (doggone it!! Another goodie I missed!!), he says "is there anything I can do?" and my response is: either fix my tea maker or get me a new one by morning.

Well, that's all it takes for him...He comes home, tears into it: takes it apart in ways I never imagined. He blows out the tubes. He checks the connection inside. He cleans out each filter. After each step, he rebrews water. Now my entire kitchen has been steam cleaned. But still, not more than a drip at a time is coughed forth from the beloved machine. I'm thinking...this is it. It's death is imminent.

Then Paul finds a pull out 2nd filter. It's DISGUSTINGLY CLOGGED UP....uh, Houston I think I found the problem...and so he scrapes it out (I TOLD you it was disgusting) and blows it out and rinses it.

Lo and behold, there my little teamaker that could can once again!! Sometimes it's the littlest things that clog up the machine. This piece was about an inch square. But it stopped the whole darn thing. So keep that in mind...do not let little things clog up your happymaking machines. Don't let a little sludge slow you to a drip when you could be steaming and producing yummy things!! Keep your mind and your filter clean...and come over for a cuppa tea!!

Good new Meliss...I was thinking I"d have to take back my teavana thing...but UP saved the day again...as he put it: It's the thrill of the fix. He for doing it and me for getting me TEA!!!

Lessons I've learned

The other day, I realized I lost a year somewhere...I"m not turning 43; I'm turning 44. I have thought about how the last ten years have changed me. There's a thing or two I have learned and I feel have most shaped my life during that time . . .
The past does not equal the future.

New beginnings arrive every day.
Over the past few years, many people have given me excuses why they can't achieve their dreams. When they do this, they usually say something like "you have so much going for you", "you are so smart", or some other comment as to why I am moving forward and they are not. I'd like to tell you a bit about the person I was ten years ago and perhaps you will change your mind.
In 1997, I was the mom of a 9 year old and a 6 year old, newly homeschooling and overwhelmed. I was lonely. I was short on energy and long on criticism. I spent way too much money and then way too much effort trying to hide my spending. I was lonely. I did not know what made me happy or what challenged me or where I needed to grow as a person. I was lonely. I was insecure. I was in over my head in a world I didn't know and I didn't feel like I belonged. I felt judged and found inferior. I was questioned and usually not nicely about our decision to homeschool. I was a disorganized mess. I was floundering with what I wanted to do with my life. I also did not view myself as being special or especially smart. Mostly I was living with no real purpose. Because I didn't have much that was fulfilling in my life, I shopped. That's it. I shopped. I think that somehow having new, pretty things made me feel more valuable because the more depressed I got, the more I shopped.
We changed churches; my old friends drifted away as we embarked on homeschooling. They were all friends from the kids' school, for the most part. Those that weren't were church friends. So here I was in a church I knew no one. No one had a glimmer of an idea that I loved working with 8th graders. The announcement at church that day was basically begging to teach the confirmation class. I'd done that before...and I offered to do it at this church. I honestly believed they'd turn me down; we were brand new and I never put two and two together that if they were begging, they'd take ANYONE!! LOL. I came alive that year...

I thrived. I LOVED every minute of it. I felt challenged and to my absolute shock other parents seemed to think I was smart. I had never thought of myself as smart before. I never thought I was creative either, but the kids couldn't do the typical book approach, so I had to come up with something else. Thus began the walk out of the box I lived in. I quit boxing myself in. I quit boxing God in. I quit boxing other people in with labels and suppositions. Trust me when I say some of the kids I love the most and learned the most from and my heart is tender to this DAY, you would cross the street to avoid. They were seriously tough inner city kids...thugs to some. Sweethearts to me. Adored them. Still do. They changed my life. Suddenly it wasn't about being accepted or respected or fitting in. It was about THEM. It was about what God was showing me through them. It was about being real because anyone who knows teens knows they see right through that fakey adult thing.

And homeschooling...well...back then it was soooo not socially acceptable. I had to walk my own path...and find it. I knew two families who homeschooled and I sure wasn't THEM, so off I went.

The past does not equal the future. The person I am today does not in any way resemble the person I was in 1997. I learned to follow my own path; not someone else's path for me. I learned I'd rather be alone than with someone who tore apart other's for sport. I learned that sarcasm isn't funny...it's like a knife in the heart of another. I learned my grandma was right: you DO attract more bees with honey than vinegar. I learned to be true to what I knew God was speaking into my life. Life is a journey. If I had not had that church or homeschooled, or any other of the small stepping-stones - my life would be different. What is important to realize is that they are small steps. Sometimes people take big leaps in life, but it is often the small, seemingly inconsequential moments that change your life forever.
Occasionally I will run into someone from high school and they cannot believe I'm a stay at home mom and love it. Even when I'm a stay at home mom without kids, I think I'll still love it!! That leads me to the second lesson . . .
If you allow yourself to be limited by what others think of you, you will never fulfill your true potential because no one but you really knows what you are capable of.
In 1997, many of my friends told me that I was CRAZY to think that I could homeschool or stay home. Guess how many of those people are still in my life? Deep in my heart I KNEW that I could be more than I was at that time. I knew I was smarter than people thought I was. I knew that I was put on this earth to do more than to shop. I just didn't know how to do it. I found myself because I was willing to test myself.
What sets a successful person apart from others is that they keep trying when others would give up. They look for another path, another chance, and a different perspective. They learn from their mistakes and move on.
Homeschooling was the most difficult thing I had ever done. My social life came to a screeching halt. I did school with the kids for 3 - 4 hours a day and then put another 3 -4 hours of reading and preparing every night. It was a major life shift for me that I was absolutely determined to do...after I begged Paul to let me put them in school and he said no, I didn't have much choice anyway!!
Unfortunately, my friends did not want me to do this. I would come home to enticing messages on the answering machine. My homeschooling was inconvenient to them.

If you want to achieve your goals, you are going to have to make some tough decisions at times. You are going to have to go without sleep when necessary, miss lunches and parties, give up the fun shopping excursions or bible studies . . . whatever it is that is important to you - at some point those things will be tested.
You will also hit roadblocks. People won't understand you. You will be tired, worn out sometimes, you will question yourself. Others will question both your direction and your passion. Some will tell you that you are wrong. Some will distance themselves from you or talk about you. As you get stronger in your vision, they will feel more attacked and thus attack more. Subtly. Overtly. Painfully.

Why did I put up with it? Simple. I had a "burning desire" and passion to accomplish my goal. I wanted to homeschool my kids. I wanted to do youth ministry. I KNEW it was a calling on my life greater than my selfish or lazy concerns; greater than my disorganization; greater than my fear. That was all that mattered to me during that time in my life. I was so clear on where I was going that what would normally have been an intolerable situation was easier for me to handle because every time it got really bad, I would remind myself that I needed to focus on my goal - and get my eyes off the small stuff.
Fear and doubt is a slippery slope. Once you give into it, it becomes harder and harder to climb back up to the top.
Have you ever tried NOT to think about the theme song from "The Brady Bunch"? Nope, don't think about it. DO NOT think about that song. Well, of course in order to NOT think about something, you have to continue to keep what you are supposed to not think about in your head.
Doubts are like that. If someone says to you that you are not very good at color, for example - every time you have to work with color that comment will come charging back into your head. It is an unfortunate aspect of the way our brains work. Like Pavlov's dogs and ringing bells, doubts are conditioned responses.
In the same way, fear can become a habit. I have said this before - and please know that it is something that I struggle with myself - WORRYING ACCOMPLISHES NOTHING. I often tell people that I think guilt is the biggest indulgence a person can have. Guilt is punishing yourself with thoughts so that you don't actually have to go out and DO something to make the situation better. Well, worry is the same. If you are afraid and you are worrying, do something. The antidote to fear is to learn as much about the situation and your options as possible.
Never defend your actions against unjust accusations. Your actions speak for themselves. The truth comes out. And you are modelling for others how to act/what to be when they are faced with that situation. And do NOT ever doubt that others are watching, absorbing, learning...even when you are not aware. Trust me on this...
Among the most difficult lessons I learned was that some people always want to believe the worst of others. The first time I was confronted with accusations over events that had been twisted and turned until I looked like the "bad guy", I was upset and hurt. I defended myself, I explained, I argued. Then I was really, truly SHOCKED when some of the people I talked to still didn't believe me. I was telling the truth, explaining the situation, and they still believed the worst of me!
After one particularly difficult situation, someone gave me great advice. "Never defend yourself. Your friends don't need to hear it and your enemies won't believe you anyway." That may seem quite cynical, but the truth is that some people will want to believe the worst of others. That is their problem unless you make it yours.
You must live your life each day with integrity and honesty. You will make occasional mistakes, and you must face them with dignity and humility. However, if you are accused of something, you should not defend yourself. Actions are what they are. Talking will not change them. If someone wants to believe the worst of you, they will regardless of your defense. People who are seeking the truth will not accuse, they will ask. They will look at your track record and judge you by what you have done, not the word of others. Go back and re-read this paragraph. Read it again. And again.
Never listen to or spread gossip.
I really never had an appreciation for how damaging gossip was until it was pointed in my direction. Until then, it always seemed like harmless banter. It may seem incredibly naïve but I did not consider that what I was hearing might not be true - and that others might believe the gossip and act on it.
At one point, our marriage was almost ruined because of gossip spread by someone. Although nothing about the story spread about us was true - and the majority of people did not believe the gossip, it was a devastating way to have to learn a very valuable lesson.
Another aspect of this is something that many people don't realize - if the person telling you the gossip is willing to spread unfounded information, what makes you think you won't be their next victim? If they lie for you or talk to you about others, they will most certainly lie about you/to you and/or talk about you to others. Don't think you are the exception to this universal rule. You are not. Stay clear of people that gossip and your life will be a lot happier!
At the end of the day, what you are is your word and your actions.
I know that I harp on the importance of integrity ad nauseum, but if you think about it anyone can boast and claim to do anything. What you are - what people think of you, and what you think of yourself - is based upon whether you keep your word, and what you do with your life. If you think of others first, your life will reflect that. If something is true about a person, they don't need to talk about it because they are living it. They keep their promises and they make a difference. Let your life tell the tale, not your words....live a life worth emulating.
Jealousy is among the most dangerous and powerful of human emotions. It can tell you what is missing in your life; it can drive others to try to destroy you. In the Artist's Way, Julia Cameron explains the importance of Jealousy. Jealousy can be used as an indicator of what is missing in your life. If you hear that someone got a contract for a book, for example, and you feel jealous - that may tell you that what you really need is to be writing. Listen to your jealousy and be grateful for it because it is a way that your subconscious communicates dissatisfaction to you.When Jealousy is destructive is when it is misdirected. Instead of understanding that jealousy is an indicator of what is missing in our own lives and what we should be working on, some people see another person's success as taking away from their own. These people view the world as one pie - and if you have a slice it is a slice that they cannot have. To them, it is a dog eat dog world and you must either eat or be eaten.
These people take their jealousy and let it fester. Rather than taking positive action to move forward in their own life, they make plans to undermine the work of those they are jealous of. This is doubly dangerous - not only is it harmful to the person that they are attacking, but it is harmful to the attacker as they feel like they are "doing" something. This feeling of action makes it easy to fool themselves that they are actually taking positive steps towards their goal.
The blessing is that the old adage of "sticks and stones" is true if we can keep our eyes on our goals. If someone attacks you, don't defend because if you do you have to take your eyes off your goal and concentrate on your defense. The danger in this is that you do what the attacker wants; you stop your work.
What you will look back on is not the work you did, but the time you spent with others. When I look back on my life; I don't remember the lectures - I remember the recess. I don't remember the homework; I remember the vacations. While work is important, it is important to incorporate people into what you do. To make a difference in other people's lives is the greatest honor you can give with your gifts. This I learned at the feet of all those teens...and with my kids in our homeschool years. Doing work is not enough. To succeed, you must use your talent in a way that makes the world a better place. And sometimes that means being willing to go off course, to take a bunny trail, to allow the "distraction".
Love is the greatest adventure, the greatest challenge, and the biggest risk you'll ever take.
I fell in love with a boy; he grew into a man I didn't know while we embarked on the greatest ride of our lives. There is great risk in loving someone else. You *will* get hurt. You will be frustrated, challenged, frightened, and made angry. You will also get the joy of loving someone else. You learn how to forgive, to begin again. You learn what it is to love unconditionally; to be the beauty that softens their beast (and the reverse too). You learn grace and kindness softens the hardest heart. But only if you are willing to live out those values...those challenges.
When you love, YOU are the one affected.
This is really important - and something so many people don't understand. When you love, YOU are the one affected. You could fall in love with someone and they would never know it. Yet your life is forever changed. When you see that person, you feel better. The only thing that your love for someone else does is to change the way you treat another person, and your willingness to let them close to you.
When someone says they don't feel love - they aren't giving love. Someone loving you only affects the way they treat you, and how much time they spend with you. No one can make you feel anything.
If you don't feel loved by a person that loves you, perhaps you have rules that don't let you feel loved. For example, one of my friends recently told me that if her husband really loved her, he would buy her diamonds because they could afford it. I asked her if she had ever told her husband that she wanted diamonds. She said, if he really loved me, he would notice. Because we are the kind of friends that are very frank with one another, I commented that perhaps it was unfair to expect him to be psychic as well as loving. It isn't that her husband didn't love her, it was that she had set up a mark that had to be reached in order for her to feel loved - and that mark wasn't fair or a part of reality.
Love, and let yourself be loved. Jesus, long before he changed all of time and eternity by hanging on a cross for us and conquering death for our sins, long before that, he transformed his world by loving and allowing himself to be loved. He didn't check for pedigrees before he reached out to someone. He didn't walk away forever when hurt by someone. He simply loved. He was kind. He was honest, sometimes brutally so. He allowed others to love him in THEIR way...fiery and with tempers...with expensive oil...with questions. He left us a legacy, not only with his death and resurrection...with the way He lived.