I'm tired...

These are Joseph's attempts at getting a good picture of me doing eggs...there are about 8 more where these came from. When he showed me the tongue out one, I looked at him over my glasses...well, he has a knack...just don't know if anyone would hire him for pictures!! None of us could recreate one shot with a ginormous belly protrusion, so we're calling it a freaky film thing. No doubt Melissa will be horrified that I posted it, but hey!! It's my life...and y'all gotta know how hard it is for me to get someone to take a decent picture...hence the self portraits left right and center.!!

the weather is dreary and sun is MIA again...was pelted with sleet as I went to MOPS this morning...

I'm amazed at how many memories are stirred in me as Phil recovers from his stroke. And I am so thankful for the technology that has been brought to fruition in the last five years. What would have happened with my dad's stroke if that stroke medicine was available? Or the anti brain swelling medicine. I'm not complaining, just missing my dad I guess...they (Phil and dad) had the same kind of stroke with such different results. I'm so thankful for Phil's recovery...and hope and pray that he doesn't need a feeding tube...and...

Easter kinda got lost in the midst of Phil's recovery...so I"m doing a late review. It was really fun till the last hour. A few things I noted:

Cassie kept turning her back to eat her Easter candy, like she had to sneak it or didn't want us to know she was eating it. Not sure what that was about.

Food was great and made a yummmmmmmo relish to serve with the ham:
1/2 of a 5 oz. jar of cream horseradish
20 oz crushed pineapple, drained
16 oz whole cranberry sauce
Mix and let flavors blend for at least an hour. It was good and I don't like cranberries AT all!! Try it and let me know what you think.

My mom was nice...really nice. Seemed to enjoy the gathering. She did get snippy with Lindsay once, but for her that's an astronomical improvement.
Tarzan boy lives!!

Don does play games...he says he doesn't like them, but we've taught him 4 different games at the last two gatherings and he's had fun and laughed. I think we've figured out how to relate to my family well...Thank you Lord!!

I haven't talked to my brother Joe since Thanksgiving...and haven't seen him since last summer. I am so sad to realize that. I call; text; email. He says he'll call and he doesn't. Now he doesn't even return texts. His heart must be so broken and his relationships are paying the price for his solitude and workaholic response to whatever he's struggling with. We used to talk 3 times a week...I never thought it would get to three times a year. So sad...I miss him....but I"m so sad for his life being in this state...and that it's self imposed.

The first set of "losers" in the game...Theresa stuck it out most of the game, as I recall!! So there could be about 10 copies of the same picture, but this one tells it all!!

I'm doing a 20 day "school" on relating to women (especially me!!) for Paul. Last night was lesson #1...cultivate intimacy by turning your body toward someone when you talk to them. Paul says I should teach a class at church...that it would be full of men. And then Joseph walks i the room and that's the end of that!! LOL So much for that going anywhere conversationally!! LOL

We did mirrors for MOPS today...my latest layout is one of the sample ones I did. And at MOPS, I'm always struck by the masks women wear, not daring to acknowledge a less than perfect life, like that somehow reflects on them as a woman instead of the world as fallen. I'm blessed with so many real people in my life, and it hurts my heart to know there's got to be a chink in the armor of these ladies but they go it alone. Not me sista!! I'm all for getting the help I need!!

Melissa interviewed for a job...I think it sounds promising. She's amazingly articulate and funny and talented, with great ideas and a wonderful grasp on what needs to be done in areas that she works. They will be lucky to have her...and maybe she'll move to Chi-town so we can watch Grey's together!! They do have offices here, ya know!!

Off for a wee bit of a nap before Tony comes over.

I believe . . . that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
I believe . . . that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
I believe . . . that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
I believe . . . that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
I believe . . . that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
I believe . . . that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
I believe . . . that you can keep going long after you can't.
I believe . . . that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I believe . . . that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I believe . . . that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.
I believe . . . that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
I believe . . . that money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I believe . . . that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.
I believe . . . that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.
I believe . . . that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
I believe . . . that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
I believe . . . that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
I believe . . . that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I believe . . . That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief. I believe . . . that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
I believe . . . that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.
I believe . . . That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever. I believe . . . that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
I believe . . . That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.
I believe . . . That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.
I believe . . . that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
I believe . . . that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

I really can't add to this little gem that a friend of mine passed on...and it's been a long few days. My father in law is doing better, slowly but surely. Hopefully, he'll only have a feeding tube for a few days...and he's sitting up more and more each day. He's been moved to intermediate care. And again I"m surprised at those who voiced concern, and those who didn't. Thank God for the ones who did...it has carried us these last 5 days...

The last two days

have been so long, and exhausting, and I have a new appreciation for people who stay home in the crises and hold down the fort. That's just as hard and more lonely, I think. Phil seems to be stabilizing, and although he'll be in CCU for a few more days, the staff is very happy with his progress and we are trusting them. Poor Paul...just learning to VOICE his emotions and not very well most of the time, and then he's dealing with this. I'm sure God's got a great plan to grow him through this, and I just want to be a supportive wife through it all. Knowing first hand what strokes can do and how it feels as a child of a stroke survivor, I am reminded of Rich's comment "there's a reason God healed you first". I hope I can be faithful to that reason in the coming days.
Easter is tomorrow...and this season when everyone is all about spring and flowers and jelly beans, I am remember MY dad. In the Catholic church, it is a 3 day holy day of Holy Thursday, Good Friday, Holy Saturday and Easter morning. I loved those celebrations/remembrances ...especially at St. Johns. Everything seems to have more meaning there...but that's probably more on me than the particular church, although it was a great church. Anyway, it was my dad's favorite time of the church year, and mine too. A perfect little encapsulation of Christ's life here on earth...service and communion on Thursday, suffering and death for our sins on Friday, silence in the dark, waiting...and then bursts forth our resurrected Lord...conquering death and darkness...and bringing with Him new life...Saturday service starts in the dark, with everyone holding candles, as the scripture is read: Genesis, Exodus, Isaiah, Micah, etc. It changes each year, but the same story is told: creation, man's fall, Israel's coming to be and some details of that (depending on the year), John the Baptist, Jesus and His teaching, death and resurrection. It's very moving for me and I usually bawl all the way through it...just overcome with the love that God has poured over, and continues to pour over us. And then the people who have been studying to enter the church are baptised, given first communion and confirmation...
My dad loved it, and so do I. It's about the only thing I really miss about the Catholic church... but mostly I miss my dad...his voice and his Old Spice after shave, his silly half "shit eating" grin, his books piled by the chair and his hair which never seemed to know where to lay. I know he is celebrating Easter in heaven with his parents and brother, and what a celebration that must be. But for today, I miss him...and pray that Paul doesn't have to miss his dad for years to come!!

life's unexpected turns

yesterday morning I was going to post a little rant about Gina Glockson getting kicked off American Idol...in fact, I sat down to do it when the phone rang. It was Paul calling from work ,which was weird since he literally had just left from lunch...his dad had a stroke and they were airlifting him to Peoria. He had no function on his left side, but was alert and coherent. Suddenly, nothing of what was on my plate for the day had any relevance at all. It's hard to concentrate, even on praying, when someone you love to death is in critical condition. Today brings good news...he has movement in his leg and arm, and is talking. His speech is like he has Novocaine, but most of the time it's intelligible. God is so good...and amazing. You know there's a drug they can give you within 6 hours of a stroke that reverses its affect? They couldn't get to the clot in his brain, but it's pretty far out in his brain, which is a good thing. Please pray for my in laws, Mary and Phil, and their kids, grandkids and the doctors that will be caring for him. Phil is a big ole' guy...way bigger than Paul. He's active and funny and kind..and loves to eat. My prayer for today is that he will pass the swallow test that will show that he won't need a feeding tube...been there done that with my dad...don't want that for Phil...

there is nothing better...

than an old friend, even when she has to leave again...sigh.

Judy left yesterday and honestly, I was just too sad to even say it outloud (or out-monitor). We grabbed a quick cuppa...at STARBUCKS of all places. They have the coolest cups and mugs!! But still...they mostly serve coffee...and I guessed by the name "macchiato" that Judy would like it and it's her fave drink!! Who knew???

Then trying to get a good picture, in the land of "big heads" as she put it..well, that was a bit challenging!!!

And where did spring go? I'm back to a cold neck and drinking tea all day to stay warm...well, really, I crawled into bed and took a little nappy-poo under my blanket...Cassie's not the only one who loves a nice, soft blanket! Blanket lovers of the world UNITE!!!

And...what is it with us/we women who have a need to compare ourselves unfavorably to every other estrogen totin' person on the planet? Her kids are more well behaved, helpful; her house is cleaner, bigger, more organized; Her stomach is flatter, hair shinier, blah blah.

What if we just celebrated the good we have? And quit dismantling the very things that God blessed us with, at the altar of comparison shopping?? So, girlfriends of mine who are reading this, let me tell you something: lean in close, so no one overhears us, closer,

closer...

I am blessed that you are in my life...flabby tummy or not (you probably earned that bearing children who you wouldn't trade for a flat stomach, right)...big house or not (I love my little house but get insecure when having people over)...organized or not. Let's not waste precious time making excuses for not having people into our lives for fear that they will find out our toilets aren't perfectly cleaned, or amazingly decorated, or big. Chances are, whoever you have in your life (me included) really isn't a toilet inspector incognito...Chances are they are funny, honest, remarkable women who want to bask in the shadow of your amazing self, if only for a moment...at least that's why I'd say yes if you invited me over to your less than perfect house to share a moment in time.

Judy and me...in our usual poses...her smirking her "isn't life great smile" and me laughing at something she said...

I watched the Oprah show today...

which I do alot of the time. It makes me think; challenges my worldview sometimes; and often makes me cry. Today was a crying day. She had on 3 people: one woman who started a pajama drive for foster kids; one man who started collecting books for 3rd world countries; and another woman who uses coupons to fund a food pantry. This is s super-simplified version of the show...so watch it tonight at 11 if you can.
Anyway, the kids that she was giving pajamas to didn't even know what pajamas were. It reminded me of her first Christmas show in Africa where the kids cried when they realized the new, clean underwear was for them. Oh man. We are soooo blessed here. Our kids (literally MY kids) complained when they got new underwear or socks in their stockings, unless they were FUN socks. And Joseph couldn't care less either way.
Not to get on a soap box...but I think I'm going to start to challenge the women at Girls Night Out to pay it forward each month.

Each month will be a pay it forward for a local charity...
starting with potted plants for a nursing home in April,
Mothers Day cards for kids to give them moms (for a local shelter) in May,
Beach toys for kids in June,
Sparklers and bubbles for batter women's shelter in July,
back to school items for a very poor school district in August

I think it's the least we can do, as we gather to celebrate the blessing of friendship and strength in each of us...and I'm thinking I'll take paypal donations for people who want to help and can't run over to Joliet to make it happen. We can change the world one month and one smile at a time. And what if all the scrappers we know made little cardstock frames for kids to have picture of their family at shelters and in foster care? Our little .19 prints would be such a comfort...so...I think I found that seed that the preacher was talking about on Sunday...

I double dog dare ya to join me...

well, ya gotta have frienddddddssssss....

Brenda Funk (she's in choir and surprised Judy)
Judy (WOOHOO! SOOOOOO great to see her!!), Birgit (maker of flirtini's), Sherrie(with a new haircut), Cindi Goron (told one of the funniest Target stories I have ever heard) , Theresa (had a ball and got louder with each refill, but still wasn't the loudest one there!!)
FRONT:

Christine (I'm so glad she came...first time!!), Lynda (two nights in a row with this little party woman!!), Nicole (first time in my house!!), Kimberlee(said she was staying 10 minutes and stayed wayyyyyyyyy longer), me (in my new "hanging with my peeps tshirt!!) and Michelle Cabeza (turns purple when she has a martini)

Another weekend, another excuse for some fun and laughter and being blessed by the peeps in my life...even if I couldn't be in FL (sniff, sniff)Friday we had appetizers and martinis for Judy and 12 other women who I just love!! I can't remember laughing that much...well...probably since last weekend.

It was a dream of mine, at the beginning of the year, to keep having this casual drop in nights that give us all a chance to just hang and talk and get to know people we wouldn't normally. I am so aware of how blessed I am to have the friends I have, and I think everyone should be blessed with strong, funny, confident, honest, transparent, non-judgmental friends!!

The night started off great...I opened the club soda and it attacked me, the clothes I was wearing, my counter and floor....I didn't know club soda could make an arc the way it did, on the way to half drowning me, but it did!! Luckily, we didn't need much for the cosmos...we still have some left...and now I"m "vodka girl"...I don't THINK SO!! I made nametags for everyone with silly things on them like "my filter falls off" and "I"m obsessing about..." and "bad influence"...and don't think Theresa's drinking pop...it was some concoction that she kept changing all night!! Doesn't Judy look great??? I hate to admit it, but Seattle does a body good...at least hers!!

We stayed up till 1:30, Judy and Theresa and Sherrie left at about 1, Sherrie leaving just about 20 minutes before one...coward!! She brags about hanging with the big dogs, but all the 40-ish women outlasted her!! LOL Then it was up at 7:00 for the card swap Saturday...

The card swap started off glowingly..none of us knew how to get there, so we had to stop Fran (the one who did, but we didn't have her cell phone #) and ask how to get there, then decided just to follow her. I don't even know what we talked about on the way up there, but I know we laughed out butts off (sadly, there is no actual physical evidence of that happening!!). Made 46 cards in however many hours we were there...and then I WON the BIG BIG door prize...a cuddlebug (I think that's what it's called...I'm a die-hard sizzix girl). I met a lady who was on flylady with me too...small world!! Anyway, the greater library area new I won coz I screamed and threw my hands up in the air and you'd think I won the lottery, but that was NOTHING compared to Kimberlee winning the software she hoped for. On the way home, we had to turn around twice, drive through pouring rain, and looked at all our cards while driving (no ace driving awards for us...but oh well!!) Get home, to have yours truly pour her tea INTO the waterproof bag I chose to hold everything for the day...so I look in the bag (and say Thanks God for giving me the idea to pack up all my cards at the library) and see my camera floating in a pool of chocolate mocha tea...it's a little sticky, but it has lived to tell the tales.

another fun, fabulous day....rushing home to get to small group on time...which was amazing. I mentioned having a martini night and one of the women in my group asked me (imagine eyes opened wide and jaw a bit slack) "real ones??"...I still smile at that. Shes so, I don't know, sheltered, maybe? Everyone continued to share their stories (we started two weeks ago) over yummy lasagna and chicken tetrazzini, salad and super garlic bread (thanks to Sonja D...her mom made it that way and I will till I die or swear off garlic bread!!). Fabulous dessert with layers of yummmmmm....and then of course, stay late and get stupid with D&R. Are they warped? Perhaps...but I love them to death. There is nothing that brings an instant laugh than the twinkle in R's eyes when he's making fun of someone and trying to come off serious. And D..."I may be dumb but..." as IF...I think she's one of the wisest women I know and I love hanging with her...and that freaky dog with the underbite and weird teeth...honestly. He thinks he's a cat!!

Judy leaves on Tuesday...I am soooo hoping we can hang out a bit tomorrow...she didn't make it to church today...and SOMEONE CALLED MY FREAKIN HOUSE AT 730 THIS MORNING!!! ARE THEY INSANE??? No, they just couldn't get their key unstuck (I am NOT kidding..that was the big emergency) I think I'm going to start answering the phone instead of passing it on to Paul..."Hello, if there isn't blood or death involved, there will be for calling at this hour. Please call back after 10" Think they'd get a clue?

Service was great...what is the seed within the seed (each corn kernal produces 2 ears of corn that produce 800 ears of corn, etc) But the point was: the passion within you, the gifts you have (and they aren't all church related) are YOUR seeds and it may be preaching or singing but it may be athletics or being kind or welcoming or whatever, but those seeds are what GOd gives each of us to grow his kingdom...

Oh..nap...well, sorta. Paul was snoring next to me...so maybe a rest is more like it. Which was desperately needed: I think I got a total of 10 hours sleep since Wed. night!!

Then...went to Premonition with Sandra Bullock. Good movie, if someone predictable at the end. Really, you have to think to watch it.

Trail mix for dinner...and thus ends a great weekend...and begins a "normal" week. Just Joseph's 57 social engagements (now that he's off grounding) and Victoriously Frazzled on Thursday...and I"m PROMISING myself not another 4 am gabfest. 345 at the latest. No really!!

Tomorrow is weigh in...it's probably gonna be ugly. This past week I was just BAD with exercise and this weekend, eating bad bad for me stuff! And how many calories are in a chocolate peppermint martini (that was Sherrie's idea...)