Did the weather forget it's MARCH????

There comes a time when you

must stand alone.

You must feel confident enough

within yourself

to follow your own dreams.

You must be willing

to make sacrifices.

You must be capable of

changing and rearranging

your priorities

so that your final goal

can be achieved.

Sometimes familiarity and comfort

need to be challenged.

There are times when you must

take a few extra chances

and create your own realities.

Be strong enough to at least try

to make your life better.

Be confident enough that

you won’t settle for a compromise

just to get by.

Appreciate yourself by allowing yourself

the opportunities to grow, develop,and find your true sense of purpose

in this life.

Don’t stand in someone else’s shadow

when it’s your sunlight

that should lead the way.

~ author unknown

So these days it's cold and windy here. The only warmth we gather is from each other and many many layers. Last night, Paul's hands were so cold, his fingers were white. I tried to warm them up by rubbing them together, (trying to be a nice wife here!) and it wasn't till after I rubbed them and just held them that they began to be warm. Isn't that like life? We rub against things, create friction, trying to get what we want or achieve some opaque goal. But it's when we slow down to simply hold on to what we already have, in whatever form that is, that we are warmed, filled with warmth, heat, life. If I would simply be near that which I want to draw strength and warmth from, to quit running and looking for it in the friction of my days. Well, I think I'd be even happier than I am now. even more peaceful. More thankful. I'll try it and see.

Cassie moved her wedding date up to 8/07. She tells me she's happy (first time I've heard that from her in almost 2 years). And so, in keeping with the poem and the whole warmth "thing", I will stand with her in her happiness. It is not my place, anymore, in her life and she has made this abundantly clear, to guide her. She is an adult. She is living in the adult world with adult others and she doesn't need me anymore. I'm caught off guard by that. Honestly, I pictured our relationship so differently at this time in her life. But I will honor her once a week desire to talk and twice a month visit...she's not so into relationships and hanging as I am and although it hurts to be so distanced from her life, it makes sense from her personality perspective. For me, communication, hanging, being with someone is the END and the process. For her, communication is for if you have something specific to say...to do. Another step in accepting her and loving her just like she is. And I do love her fiercely. She is my firstborn. My daughter. My baby girl. She fills a place in my heart that no one else does, and can hurt me like no one in the world. But I suspect that is only if I put expectations on her of being like me. As Debbie has said, the lie we believe that other people need to be like us. Not so. Not so.

I'm so thankful for my friends, for sitting n the guest room and yapping (and then trying to climb out of that freakin' butterfly chair). I'm thankful for layers again today...on a day that it is just frigid out. I'm thankful for Judy sending me her amazing view, so I can borrow it when I need to!! I'm thankful for scrapping today...remembering the Closet Clean Sweep at Theresa's. I'm thankful for laughter and for tears...they balance me.

I'm thankful for tea i the morning and amaretto last night..bad headache after so many tears.

I'm thankful it's March...the promise of spring is here. The month I became a mother.

I'm thankful Melissa doesn't need surgery and that her grad school options are wide open.

I'm thankful for life...for remembering that it is in giving that we receive, in loving that we are loved. I'm thankful for Dana, today on her birthday. She's a amazing gift to this earth and to my life.

And, of course, I am thankful for the Bears having the amazing wisdom to extend Lovey's contract....wooohooo!!