had the conversation....

Paul finally asked "exactly how much do we owe". Good Lord...I told him the truth. He was depressed. It was like a bad Dick and Jane story book. Before I told him, I said "the number is ugly and it is NOT because I'm overspending. We have literally been living off the credit cards for the last two years while spending $24,000 on medical expenses" Having said that, we had an amazing conversation about what our plan (previously known as MY plan) is for this year. And as much as I hate to admit it,travelling just doesn't make the cut...unless my ebay stuff sells. THEN!! Well, that's a whole 'nother story. Or any occasion that calls for gift, a one way trip would be fab too...

It feels fabulous to have it out in the open...I hate knowing things that he doesn't know...and I supposed I could have just up and told him, but I"m sick of the accusations and fights...so it worked out better this time. I hope we can stay here.

And then he asked me "when I'm at my healthiest, what am I doing"... well, if that wasn't a major follow up conversation. And then he's like "I know you don't want to answer this" to which I replied, it isn't that I don't want to answer it...I don't want to hear the follow up promises that are always broken.

Anyway, great conversation...and then of course, I go check my email and hide when it's time to go to bed instead of going to bed with him. Bad, bad habit I need to break.

Did my new pilates workout...thanks to Sherrie's tip, feel it differently even though I suck I trust her when she says I"ll get better and stronger. She's had three kids, she has been belly flab, but my suspicion is I could bounce quarters off her belly. On the other hand, she gets up at 515 to do an 85 minute spinning class...seriously!! What is WRONG with her????

Finally had a chance to catch up with Joy...AGAIN!! We are the most schedule challenged friends, but I think we figured out that we can hook up in the mornings and actually stay in touch...which is great because I miss talking to her when we don't connect.

January is over, and I have lost 2 of the 12 lbs I want to lose, but I don't think any inches. I'm not measuring till 2/15... I'm going to keep with it...I can FEEL the burn...so sooner or later it's gonna work, right???

All my Bears outfits are ready and waiting for the next three days. **Sigh** So excited I get fluttery in my tummy. It's so funny....

Let's see, my goals for Feb:
keep scrapping 2x/week. Get Christmas pix done

Exercise daily with Sunday's off. Do Pilate's 2x/week and yoga once/week

Stick with my scrapping budget...and start that cash envelope system. Didn' t do it in Jan coz I spent the money immediately!! lol

Some thoughts on relationships:

Sometimes we expect far too much of the people around us, and because no one can ever live up to those expectations, we are almost always disappointed.
Wouldn't it be better if we just let go, and let people be who they are? Then we'd be able to see them as they are -- with all their beauty and goodness in which we take joy, and with all their faults which we can also see in ourselves.
When we have put someone up on a pedestal, sculpturing them to fit our needs and desires by smoothing out the rough edges and creating new curves here and there, we cannot see the real person underneath our work. All we see is the illusion we have created. That is denying the person's real identity and is disrespectful.
It's much better for our friends and for ourselves if we drop our expectations and illusions, and accept them all just the way they are.
Whether we realize it or not, everyone we know is very special to us.
The most important thing to remember is... Always appreciate the friends that you have.
The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care.

I hope my friends and loved ones (although those that I'm related to and looooove, I consider friends above all) see this in me...accepting them for who and what they are, knowing that they are so special in my life, that they are appreciated, and that I care.