THIS IS IT.....

my last little blog of anticipation for my Bears...and the good news (for SOME) came down yesterday that Brett will be back next year. Yeah for Meliss and Meesh!!

Today was my last Excellent Wife study here...and I"m relieved to not have that early morning commitment, but I know it has helped me so much as a wife that I don't want it to end. We were talking today about fear and anger, loneliness. I realize how much I've grown up in these last few years...still have those dark days...but I'm mostly good at taking care of my needs and not waiting for Paul to meet them. Still, I do get this twinge of fear on days like today when he completely gets into his own world and I get to fill in the blanks. Looks so much like when he was living in his addiction. The problem with that is I never had "proof" and still don't...proof that he's being healthy or not...being an addict or not. So much easier, I think,to literally sniff out an alcoholic...but I do trust God and I can't be paralyzed by Paul's actions and MY REACTIONS. So, there is it...my answer to fear. And anger...well...I've learned that it's just an indicator like a dashboard light...what is that anger light connected to??? I think the lessons I've learned the most is about loneliness. I have a GREAT life...but mostly it's without Paul. Sad, but true. He was physically gone so long, then emotionally gone so long (still is sometimes) that I've learned to not count on him for my companionship or intimacy. So when he does show up, it's a bonus. I really do NOT think that is how God intended marriage to be,but that's my life and I'm working on dealing with in on its own terms. Can't change him but I do love him and I do love God. So I think I'll make it. And maybe even read that book when we aren't meeting! Like I'll keep reading and re-reading the book without a meeting hanging over my head!! LOL...oh for that much self discipline....speaking of which Joseph cracked open the chex and M&M mix last night...yep. Had none then either. Sheesh. But at least I didn't eat so much I was sick (which takes about 3 handfuls of that stuff!!)

Theresa informs me that she's disappointed she hasn't made the blog...no pix. To which I respond, well, you have to be IN MY LIFE to make the blog...and you haven't been around much. So, sure 'nuff, she speeds down here to hang out with her sissy...NOT!!! Given the chance, I don't know what she did, but we went to the coffee house at church last night. Stayed about 30 minutes between Paul coming home super late from work, Joseph needing a ride to the Freeze, and then home. Yeah...this almost empty nest thing is really paying off!! LOL

Called Cassie on her new landline today...she's not home. Spending the weekend with her family...that's what JP said. Hmm...wonder who that is. And not with Chris...he was sleeping. Whatever!!

24 hours from now...I'll be 4 hours into the pregame festivities and a mere 45 minutes from kickoff!! Wearing my Urlacher jersey to get into the mood...like I need that!! LOL WOOHOOO!! CanNOT wait....and DO NOT EVEN THINK OF PICKING UP THE PHONE while the game is on....