Follow up to my word of the year...

my word for the year is Focus. I debated between discipline and focus, but i think they go hand in hand, so focus it is. I'll remember it because Ford has a focus but not a discipline!! LOL  Well, I didn't know it at the time, but 2009 needed alot of focus. In late May, after a routine physical, I was diagnosed with kidney disease and put on a fierce regimen of diet and exercise. While I spent some time in tears at first, overwhelmed at the diet restrictions and how to implement them, and honestly had to deal with alot of fear that I'd get even sicker and the likelihood was good for dialysis, I did get into a groove after a bit.  Ended up losing 20 lbs, 20 inches and some of the results of the kidney disease. The damage is still there, but I went from a 75+ kidneys to a practically adolescent 70 year old kidneys!! Plus I feel a lot better most of the time!!  Took ALOT of focus, but I did it.

My thoughts...(posted in early 2009 and added to in late 2009)

I need to put more energy into focusing on things and not drifting through my day.
~~This is better, most days. I started volunteering 2 days a week, so that forced me to schedule my week a little better. Add in the paperwork for the Bin and planning small group stuff for the HS and college group, and I'm pretty challenged to focus or ELSE!!
Focus on the relationships that matter: friends and family
~~I think I"m better at this with Cassie and Joseph, but it's still a struggle to connect with MandM. It's better and then worse, and then better and then worse. Hopefully now that Melissa is an official MBA (WOOOHOOOOOOO!!!!!), she and my schedule will mesh together more. Michelle and I still have a hard time connecting b/c she's super involved with stuff at school and church and we have totally opposite schedules it seems! Theresa and I have been getting together to crop (ok, did it 2x but STILL) and it was so much fun and we laughed so much we both decided it was a priority in 2010. Friends...I feel like they have been so NOT a focus this year. I need to prioritize how I spend my time so I can get together with them. Women raising families just don't have time for friends, it seems. We all complain about the same thing...but can't find a solution!
Focus on acting in faith and the disciplines related to that
~~I think this is the area I am most disappointed in. I just cannot hit a groove. I have read through the psalms this year, but I miss that longing I used to have for study and scripture. I miss my ladies bible study. I miss my soul sisters. Not sure how to address this is 2010, but it's gonna be addressed.
Focus on fitness and DOING IT
~~See previous thoughts on my word for the year...my goal for 2010 is to talk to my PT guy and get my shoulder back in shape...I'm gonna have Michelle Obama arms by the end of the year. And a 2 pack. LOL
Focus on the future, not the past
~~ Think I did really well with this. Let alot of things go this year. Gave up hope on some things changing, which freed me up emotionally. I feel like I"m more present in relationships now...and far more peaceful than I was at the beginning of the year.
Focus on the important, not the urgent
~~Hmmm...I don't know about this. I feel like I was great at this until summer. I was mentoring kids I loved, spending more time doing what energized me and then it kinda drifted into problem solving alot and "clearing my desk"...This will have to be evaluated!!
 
So there ya have it...this year was a year of alot of challenges. Some I met well, some I let go of, but I'm generally content and balanced and happy. I think alot happier than I was at the beginning of the year. My babies are grown up...married with a toddler and newly engaged. My girlies are grown up...headed for careers and all that entails. And we have a new girl in the circle...Lauren, Joseph's fiance. I love her sassy self. I love how easy it is to talk to her...even if duct tape is needed (for both of us!!) sometimes. She lived her for almost a year and it's always great to see her "come back home".  If life is what you make it, and I think it is, I am thankful for the ingredients that 2009 added to the mix. I can do more than I thought...and in fact, to quote Jud, I can do ALL things through Christ, not just the easy things. Not just the things I want to do...ALL things.

Back…

Well, I decided to start posting again. It's been a long and crazy year and part of what I've learned this year is to not let other's insanity dictate what I do.

 
 

So...
I ran across this list of random thoughts and thought they were funny. My thought added in red

 

• I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear all your computer history if you die. Any takers?
  
  
• Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. Admittedly, that doesn't happen very often here!! LOLOLOL
  
  
• I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. And why did our Sunday afternoon family naps end when the kids didn't want them anymore?? The parents still do!!
  
  
• There is great need for a sarcasm font. Or bubble over heads of those speaking it. Definitely texting needs a different appearance for sarcasm.
  
  
• How are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? I just tend to ball mine up and wrap them in the neatly folded flat sheet…which then makes the flat sheet look horrid too.
  

 

• Was learning cursive really necessary? I do a hybrid, but I sure could have skipped the torture of perfect loops with perfect angles, something I never conquered anyway!!
  
  
• Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5.  I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. True story. Start with Rte 55 or Rte 80. Everywhere I go needs one of the other!!
  
  
• Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. Or had their friends write stories…we'd be laughing at the obits.
  
  
• I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired. I thought I'd outgrow it with my kids being older, but NOOOOO
  

  
   

• Bad decisions make good stories. Sometimes. Sometimes they just set you up for even more bad decisions…and heartbreak.
  
  
• You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day. I know when it will strike…about 5 minutes after I finish my tea and I'm no longer running on caffeine!!
  
  

  
   

• Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray?  I don't want to have to restart my collection...again. I'm still holding on to my Beta's hoping they'll make a comeback!! LOL
  

  
   

• I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page paper that I swear I did not make any changes to. Sooooo true!! LOLOLOL
  
  
• "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this -- ever. I will machine wash it and drip dry. Or not buy it at all!! LOL
  
  
• I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?  Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail.  What'd you do after I didn't answer?  Drop the phone and run away? I do wonder this…REALLY??? YOU JUST CALLED ME!!! WHERE DID YOU GOOOOOOOO?????
  

  
   

• I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste. Or even worse, look good at home…and have no reason to even GO out!! Good hair days are meant to be shared!!
  
  
• I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call. My old phone had a block the caller feature. Wish this one did.
  
  
• I think the freezer deserves a light as well. I'll go so far as to say NEEEEDS a light!!
  
  
• I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay. Or chocolate martini. Or sappy movie. I mean, we can be literalists here and say ALL kisses start with K, but you know that wasn't what they meant anyway!!
  

 

Tomorrow…an update post. Make a cup of tea/coffee. It will be long, sometimes humorous and maybe some sad parts…but mostly, it's a good life!!

Bangs...

for the first time in about 5 years. Paul kept looking at me last night, shaking his head and saying it just doesn't even look like me any more. I look so different. On and on. I like it. New look, new focus in 2009...2 days into fitness....working out again. Man, if I would ever get it in my head that it's easier to keep going than to start up again, I'd be so much better off!!

Doing my measurements and realizing I'm 13" bigger than I was 2 years ago is enough to make me stick to it I think. I'm not going to focus on what I am...but on what I want to be. Healthy. Strong. Non-hormonal (with Body by God, it was the case). Sleeping better. So far, so good.

New Year...

my word for the year is Focus. I debated between discipline and focus, but i think they go hand in hand, so focus it is. I'll remember it because Ford has a focus but not a discipline!! LOL

My thoughts...
I need to put more energy into focusing on things and not drifting through my day.
Focus on the relationships that matter: friends and family
Focus on acting in faith and the disciplines related to that
Focus on fitness and DOING IT
Focus on the future, not the past
Focus on the important, not the urgent

We're a schitzophrenic state...

we elect a president and have a huge rally...and then less than a month later our governor gets arrested ARRESTED, led away in handcuffs, for corruption and extortion. I've lived with Chicago politics my entire adult life, mostly as a joke, but seeing the waste and the (IMHO) misguided priorities, but HONESTLY. How do you get a 13% approval rating? And then be arrogant enough to challenge people to wiretap you...while extorting Children's Memorial, while putting a senate seat up for bid, while blackmailing the Tribune company to fire people...and then show up at a sit in for laid off workers?? I can only hope he gets pushed out of office. Imagine what he would have tried to do with the olympics!! Ugh. Hopefully now we'll have an HONEST governor. We've had one in my entire memory of living here. And he'd get re-elected if he ran...but he won't. Sigh.

Got a new phone...the blackberry curve. I give it a 92% approval rating. I like that I can set all my ringtones from the songs I already have on there, that i can use it like an mp3, that i can take LOADS of pictures, that I can set the calendar to do whatever days I want. I don't know that I'm crazy about the phone speaker though. We'll see. I've only talked on it once. It's def. a texting phone!!

And the girls are coming in after alllllllllllllllllllll!! WOOHOOO!!!

Ugh...

people are so damn mean. So busy with other people's lives. So unconcerned about how their toxic shit hurts others. Why is that??? Not that this is directed at me...in fact, it was Joseph and his break up and his ex girlfriend's ANGRY, hateful, mean rip your heart out texts that made me start thinking...then my niece getting WHALED on by an old friend...for something that had nothing to do with her, none of her business and ancient history. Just to stir up trouble. Just to be mean. Vindictive. No purpose. None at all.

It makes me so sad. Why can't we just be nice to each other? What the heck is so hard about that. To respect people as human beings. TO not make sport out of hurting each other or getting revenge, judgment...

Not a good day...dentist bills, tuition mishaps, no good cell phones to buy for replacements. It's cold too. Literally, 2100 out the door in the matter of hours.

I need to just go to bed. Things will be better in the morning, right? Off to a wrestling tournament and some warm cinnamon buns.

On the other hand...my car turned over 100,000 miles...on the way home from a great visit from Cassie's on Tuesday. I love that car. I hope it gets another 100,000 miles. ANd how can you have people like this in your life and stay upset too long? I'm blessed...and my heart aches for my peeps tonight.

Gosh...what to write

Things here are a mixed bag, as usual. It's been a challenging couple of months...and I keep avoiding blogging because I just don't want to put words to paper. So I keep putting food to mouth!! Sheesh!! SO today is the day I rectify both.

Paul and I on his birthday. We went to Portillo's with the youth group kids and Joseph picked him up and brought him there. The kids all sang him happy birthday and he seemed really happy that night.

Ronnie is getting so big...he's cruising around furniture and if he ever decides he can stand on his own, he's going to take off!! He is the funniest kid...so much personality...and is all about the changing of his mind. Up/down/ Cassie/me/ toys/books/ food/food/food. He makes the funniest sounds when he's happy...sort of an asthmatic wheeze. and blows his nose when he's mad. Minus the Kleenex of course. I love how much time I spend with Cassie, how much we talk and laugh and pontificate. Love that Ronnie loves us as much as he does. His little face lights up when he sees us, and he'll spend the evening with us (I think we're the only ones who get long term babysitting without meltdowns) and be fine...but usually cries when Cassie leaves. We just don't let him see her leave...and then it's like a home away from home so he just plays like he would if Cassie were here. He reminds me so much of Joseph as a baby...personality, clinginess, business. Cassie's a really great mom. And her priorities are right where they should be...I admire that she doesn't let others dictate what's important to her.

Ronnie's first thanksgiving. Cassie gave him his food and a spoon, but he preferred the direct method...got food everywhere and was happy as a clam. We were laughing our heads off!!

Joseph is firmly ensconced in college, still procrastinating and will be lucky if he gets a C in math this semester. He doesn't test well, is amazed at what a waste of time class is, and will be paying for half of his math class if he gets a C. He's about to be off again with his girlfriend of off again/on again fame for the 4th time...she's such a nice girl, but they are not a good couple at ALL!!

Here they are singing happy birthday to Paul!

I'm heading out to Seattle again in January...a long weekend crop. Can't wait!!

Paul is doing what he does...quitting his program. Doing part of it. Justifying and getting mad at me when I call him on it. He moved in our bedroom for the first time in a year and promptly quit doing anything related to me...tells me what he's doing that doesn't involve me about once a week. I'm angry, disappointed and not surprised. He slept on the couch last night and will be every night he doesn't do what he committed to doing. 60 days after making promises to me, he's 55 days into breaking them. And yet, something has changed. We rarely fight. I think I just don't care that much anymore. If he wants his solitary life, then he can have it. I guess I've found a way to accept a surface marriage and get most of my relationship needs met elsewhere.

Started another Bible study..on the book of Daniel. I like it alot but it's going pretty slowly. I don't know if I can keep up the slowness of this pace!! LOL That's a new one!!